Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Windy City (Not Only Chicago)

Category: Puns, Rated PG, Shaggy Dogs

This variant on a classic theme is by Alejandro Crespi. Thank you, sir!


Frank is an executive with a major Fortune 500 company who makes semi-annual visits to their several regional offices to monitor performance and boost morale. Having just returned from a three week tour of several facilities, he gets home late one evening, showers, has a night cap and goes to bed.

In the morning he awakens feeling refreshed and satisfied with a successful trip, he lies in bed contemplating his life. As we all tend to do in the morning, he passes gas. However, this morning the sound which emanates from his posterior is “HONDA”. Now this makes him chuckle and figures it must have been the tangled sheets that created this effect and thinks no more of it.

The next morning the phenomenon occurs again. Now he is perplexed, but since he feels no pain or discomfort, gets on with his day’s activities.

The next morning, it happens again. Now he is concerned. He has a brother Charles, who is a physician and decides to call him. He says “Charlie, don’t laugh, because I am not pulling your leg, but this is true.” He proceeds to recount his experiences.

Charlie says “It does not sound like anything serious and it’s outside my field of interest, but there is a colleague in my practice who is a proctologist and coincidentally Japanese. He may have a clue. I’ll call his nurse and set an appointment.” Fifteen minutes later, the nurse calls and says that Dr. Watanabe will be happy to fit him at lunch time today.

Frank arrives and is introduced to Dr. Watanabe, who incidentally is a Nisei, born in California and speaks colloquial English. He asks Frank to describe the symptoms and asks if he can reproduce the phenomenon right there. Frank exerts himself and sure enough, out comes the sound “HONDA”.

The doc then asks Frank some questions.

“Do you travel much?”

“Yes, I just got back from a three week trip around the country”

Doc: “And did you visit New Orleans?”

Frank: “Yes, it was my last stop.”

Doc: “And on your visit, did you imbibe the popular drink, the Sazerac?”

Frank: “Yes, they are great! I had several of them every night at dinner.”

Doc: “Well, that explains it. The principal ingredient in Sazeracs is Absinthe. And it’s a well known fact, that “ABSINTHE MAKES THE FART GO HONDA!!”

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