Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Wallpaper

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This is by Rusty The Bookman via alt.callahans. It is used by permission. Thank, Rusty.


It seems that Arthur S. Nob, the noted painting collector, had a bright idea one day. He thought that if he got an artist to paint some herd animals and have them printed up on 8″x10″ stock, he could paper the wall of his den with multiple repeated images and create the illusion that there was a large herd outside a window, thus giving the illusion of space in the room.

He hired his favorite brushslinger, C. Ommon Hak, to carry out his wishes. When the painting was complete, he was astounded. At least a dozen large wildebeest roamed the african scene on a large canvas.

Art gleefully rushed to the print shop, where Wysiwyg “Pro” Cessor did print jobs for many artists. “Whiz” looked at the canvas and asked: “Do you want me to shrink the painting down to 8×10?”

Realizing his mistake, Art sighed. “No,” he replied, “they would be too small to identify.” “Cut out the best 8×10 section and use that, and get as many of the critters as possible onto it without cutting any parts off ’em.”

A week later Art went back to the shop to pick up his new wallpaper. He shrieked his dismay when he looked at the top copy. “What’s the problem?” the printer inquired. “There are only _two_ wildebeest on this!” moaned Art. “I wanted more!”

“Hey, man, I’m sorry,” replied Wysiwyg. “I did the best I could, and this is: … All the Gnus that fit the print!”

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