Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Valentine’s Day Couplets

Category: Rated G

These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line, but the least romantic second line.


Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
But I only slept with you, because I was pissed.

I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty, and so is your head.

Of loving beauty, you float with grace.
If only you could hide your face.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything that you’re not.

I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don’t take that paper bag off your face.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you has screwed up my life.

I see your face when I am dreaming.
That’s why I always wake up screaming.

My Love, you take my breath away.
What have you stepped in to smell this way?

My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for, maybe, “Go to Hell”.

What inspired this amorous rhyme?
Two parts vodka, one part lime.

I love you truly with my life,
But first, let’s put away that knife.

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