Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Tribulations of the Aged

Category: Rated PG, Shaggy Dogs

This was sent to me by Ms. Scarlett; not relevant to anyone we know, of course.


An 80 year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a semen sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 80 year old man reappeared at the doctor’s office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explained: “Well, Doc, it’s like this. First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then, I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then, I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left, still nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, and still no luck. We even called up Earleen, the lady next door, and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit and she even tried squeezing’ it between her knees, but still nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried, we still couldn’t get the damn jar open!”

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