Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The World Is My Oyster

Category: Rated G

By Ted Brett*


A seafood restaurant was well known for its shellfish. Diners lavished extravagant praise on the restaurant’s offerings, but the shellfish came in for particular accolades.

A few diners discovered the ultimate treat when eating oysters — perfectly shaped and valuable pearls. Yet even the amazing oyster cannot create a perfect pearl every time. One diner had a negative experience.

While enjoying his oysters one evening, he bit something hard. Unfortunately, upon removing the impediment from his mouth, he found it not to be a perfectly round, smooth pearl, but one with bumps, edges, and dirt on it.

Having bitten into it, he sustained a broken tooth and required extensive dental surgery. His experience stayed with him for a long time, and his chronic discomfort caused him to realize that a gritty pearl is like a malady.


*”The World Is My Oyster” by Ted Brett from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007 Marion Street Press) ; “A pretty girl is like a melody” from “A Pretty Girl Is like a Melody” by Irving Berlin from “Ziegfield Follies of 1919”.

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