Spanking clean riddles for Thanksgiving. Yea. These were posted by Stan Kegel on several of his listservs.
If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims!
What key has legs and can’t open doors?
A Turkey.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Their age
Why can’t you take a turkey to church?
Because they use such fowl language
What’s the best dance to do on Thanksgiving?
The turkey trot
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Yes – a building can’t jump at all
How can you make a turkey float?
You need 2 scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a turkey
What kind of music did the Pilgrims like?
Plymouth Rock
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside
Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks
Why did the police arrest the turkey?
They suspected it of fowl play
What did the turkey say before it was roasted?
Boy! I’m stuffed!
Where did the first corn come from?
The stalk brought it
Why did the Indian chief wear so many feathers?
To keep his wigwam
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian?
He had an arrow escape
How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?
It hugged the shore
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him.
What’s a turkey’s favorite song?
“I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas”
Why did the pilgrim eat a candle?
Because he wasn’t very hungry and wanted a light snack.
What do you get when you cross a turkey with a banjo?
A turkey that can pluck himself!
Why did the band leader save the drumsticks from 38 turkeys?
Because he wanted seventy-six tom bones.
What is the best thing to put into stuffing?
Your teeth!
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What sort of glass would you serve cream of turkey soup in?
A goblet. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
What is Alan Alda’s favorite Thanksgiving food?
M*A*S*Hed potatoes. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
What do you call sweet potatoes that are very outspoken?
Candid yams. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
I have some relatives with Mohawk haircuts, multiple facial piercings, and multitudinous tattoos. What should I serve them at Thanksgiving?
Punk kin pie. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
In my fantasies, I serve a bird with six legs so there’s no squabbling. What are these four extra appendages called?
Dreamsticks. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
My neighbor served a bird that was infected with salmonella and that she had failed to cook thoroughly. With what did all her guests suffer the next day?
The turkey trots. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
When Priscilla realized that both Miles Standish and John Alden wanted her, what expression crossed her face?
A Pill grin. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
The local restaurant served overcooked turkey, lumpy gravy, and cold mashed potatoes. What did they advertise it as?
The Blooperplate Special. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
NYC set up tall bleachers up and down Broadway this year so spectators could better view what slightly renamed event?
The May See Parade. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
Henrik Ibsen wrote what famous play about a Thanksgiving turkey?
Hedda Gobbler (By Cynthia MacGregor)
What’s a busybody’s favorite T-Day dessert?
Peekin’ pie. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
Am I serving a sweet potato casserole this year?
I yam. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
What was the Indian’s favorite side dish at the first Thanksgiving?
Scalped potatoes. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
Why did the first settlers have so much trouble harvesting their corn?
They had to make their way through the maize. (By Cynthia MacGregor)
What’s Pop-Pop’s favorite dish?
Granberry sauce. (By Cynthia MacGregor)