This helpful information for Cajun wedding planners comes from the groaners listserv.
The Top 18 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tips:
18> Save honeymoon money by staying at Howard Johnson’s, where kids stay free!
17> Be sure to bring a few Game Boys so the groomsmen don’t get bored during the ceremony.
16> “Let’s see, there’s Mary Kay, her two kids, Vili’s adolescence … What’s blue? Wait — the prison guard’s uniform!”
15> To ensure that guests of all ages have a good time at the reception, be sure to have a separate “adult’s table.”
14> White is for the virgin bride. Off-white is appropriate for second weddings. Stripes are fine for convicted child-rapists.
13> Have the reception menu mirror the happy couple’s first meal together: sloppy joes, Tater Tots and a bottle of Sunny D.
12> Add a clause to his vows making him promise to visit you in the nursing home when he’s 40.
11> Make sure the groomsmen’s exposed boxer shorts match the bridesmaid’s dresses.
10> Dress the ring bearer in the same color as the groom. You’ll have an extra tuxedo in case the groom spills his chocolate milk during the reception!
9> Use an opaque veil to keep the groom from coming to his senses.
8> Tuck in your bridal veil *before* doing a wicked 180 and rail-slide across the pews during the processional.
7> 1. Fire cake decorator. 2. Scrape off “pedophile” and replace with “Mary Kay.”
6> Keep in mind that his parents may not see the humor in the reception band playing “Hot for Teacher.”
5> Find out if Michael Jackson is available to babysit. For this one, you may have to find an alternative.
4> You’ll be away for a whole week on your honeymoon, so don’t forget to set the TiVo to record “Jimmy Neutron” while you’re gone.
3> Make sure the sippy cups are on the right of the wine glasses.
2> On the wedding night, dress up in something that gets your man really excited — like a Power Ranger outfit.
… and the Number 1 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tip …
1> Hands off that hot little ring bearer — you’re taken!