Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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The Kosher Cruise

Category: Rated G, Shaggydog listserv

This was posted on the shaggydog listserv. I should have such troubles.


Bernie and Faye, a wealthy couple, are coming up to their 50th wedding anniversary and Faye has been thinking for some months about how they should celebrate. Then she comes to a decision.

“Bernie,” she says, “I’m going to book us a wonderful 6 weeks cruise. I know you don’t like ships because you got seasick last time, but trust me, this one will be perfect for us. It is called ‘Bubbeh of the Sea,’ an intimate seven-star luxury liner with everything Kosher we could ever want to eat made available at all hours. Let’s give it a go.”

Bernie certainly isn’t pleased with Faye’s decision, but who is he to argue – he could never win. So he says, “OK, Dear.”

On the day of the cruise, Bernie and Faye drive up to the dock in their Bugatti Veyron 16.4. Captain Cohen is on the bridge as they pass by and calls in the purser. “Find out who they are and invite them to dine at my table tonight.”

Later, the purser knocks on the door of the Royal State Room. When Faye answers the door, the purser says, “Compliments of Captain Cohen, madam. He would very much like you both to dine with him this evening.”

Bernie comes to the door and says, “Who is it Faye? Is there a problem?”

“This man says that Captain Cohen wants us to eat with him this evening,” replies Faye.

“I told you we shouldn’t have come,” says Bernie, “seven- star or no seven-star, we have only been on this boat half- an-hour and already we have to eat with the crew.”

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