FOR IMMEDIATE RELIEF TO THE NEWS TELLERS OF THE WORLD.

On this day, January 1, 2006, as on every New Year’s Day since 1982, the International Save the Pun Foundation brings you the results of the voting of its members on their choices of the best puns of the year. (2005)

There are three kinds of people, those that can count and those that can’t. Bearing this rule in mind we role out the International Save the Pun Foundation’s list of the

The Best Stressed Puns of 2005.

There is no order ranking these puns but you will notice they are alphabetical. You may keep, photocopy, duplicate, imitate, adopt, mimic, send, forward, advance, deliver, or what ever it is you wish to do with these. Just so that all of you who have received this news release can share it with your friends relatives and any other pun lovers that you may wish to either cheer up or jeer up, your choice. There is no rhyme or reason to these they just are! So sit back, put your puns on and enjoy!

FOR ALL LEXOPHILES this exaltation of puns counts as one:

1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.

2. What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway).

3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In democracy it’s your vote that counts; in feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

6. If you don’t pay your exorcist you get repossessed.

7 With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

8. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

9. You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.

10. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

11. Those that gets too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

12. When you’ve seen one shopping center you’ve seen a mall.

13. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.