In a spirit of adventure, I have been looking into various current Christian belief systems. These include the Catholics, Lutherans, Anglicans, Methodists, Baptists, Presbyterians, and Pentecostals, among others.
Suddenly, it came to me that I should visit the doctor to ask if my heart is strong enough for sects.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/belief-systems/
This blink-and-you-miss-it pun was submitted by Denny Adams.
A woman went to her optometrist for an exam. The Dr turned the exam chart on the wall and asked her to read it. she replied that she couldn’t see anything. He increased the size to 6″ and asked her to try again. Still nothing.
So he enlarged it again to a foot. Still cant see it. out of frustration he pulled out his manhood, and asked if she could see it. … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dont-blow-one/
Dave Wallace sent this little gem.
NOTICE:
The activity formerly known as “69” will henceforth be called “96”. This is due to the higher cost of eating out.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/costs-inflation/
Denny Adams sent this little guy in…
After a long day of fishing, I was feeling a little frisky, but alas, my wife wasn’t interested. She said “Not tonight, Dear. I’ve got a haddock.”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pun-halibut/
Denny Adams submitted this quick pun.
I went to the grocery store last night, and got to the cashier. She asked, “Paper or plastic?”
I said, “Either is fine. I’m Bi-sacktual.”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pun-truly-relish/
Denny Adams submitted this little pun.
A new massage parlor opened in Hartford Conneticut, named “King Arthurs Court”
The employees are affectionately known as The Conneticut Yankers.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/going-of-the-rails-on-a-crazy-twain/
Mike Franklin sent in the following little gem.
There seems to be room for all sorts of jokes here so may I suggest something seasonal?
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’
The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/first-christmas-joke-2013/
This little gem was submitted by Denny Adams.
Did you hear about the illiterate hooker, who tried to get a job in a warehouse?… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-best-little-warehouse-in-texas/
This collection of math and science jokes was found online. Some may already be on the site, but worth sharing again.
The authors to these are unknown. By anyone, I imagine.
A mathematician walks into a bar and asks for ten times the normal number of drinks anyone else has. “Wow,” says the barkeep, “That’s an order of magnitude.”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/math-science-jokes/
Sensitivity Training For Men
This was forwarded by Lowrie B who actually deleted certain ones.
* I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair; but, by turning to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning!
* Went to our local bar with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting “pedophile!” and other names at me, just because my girlfriend … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-lessons-in-political-correctness-may-be-needed-for-men/
This picture pun just started making the rounds. I first saw it on Memebase, but I don’t know where it originated.
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/slow-and-shaggy-wins-the-race/
Stan Kegel recently posted this to the Puns at Yahoo group. I do think it is an older tale, one that speaks too well to our human condition.
Diamond D’s brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business. In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
Work on Diamond D’s progressed right up until the week before … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/brothel-sues-church-adult-content/
Dave Wallace submitted this not-exactly-timely entry saying, “The glory and wealth of the language! Or not…”
Question:
What did the FBI forensic analysts find in the pocket of Monica’s Little Blue Dress?
Answer:
A wad of bills.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/not-a-cigar/
This entry by Cory Gano earned a Dishonorable Mention in the Children’s Literature section of the Bulwer-Lytton terrible writing contest for 2004. I am so jealous.
As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/from-the-bulwer-lytton-archives/
Dave Wallace pointed out that this old favorite wasn’t in the collection.
A penguin was driving through the desert when her car broke down. She waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. Her car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told her he would need a couple of hours to check things out. The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn’t complain, and then wandered off to find the closest supermarket. She proceeded to the … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/aaa-seal-of-approval/
This very inappropriate picture pun is making the rounds. It’s creator is unknown.
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-maiden/
From the excellent Lowrie.
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath.
The 80 year old was amazed at his friend’s vigor and asked him what he did to have so much energy.
The 87 year old said, “Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/secrets-of-italian-bread/
I have a large stash of these from the beloved Mel Lett. I will publish them slowly over time.
A week after their marriage, the redneck went to the doctor’s office.
“You ain’t gonna believe this, Doc,” said the husband. “My whacker’s turnin’ blue.”
“That’s pretty unusual,” said the doctor. “Let me examine you.”
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the redneck’s really is blue.
The doctor turns to the wife, “Are you using the diaphragm that I prescribed … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/redneck-newlyweds/
Thanks to Bill Pardue for this collection.
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
And that’s when the fight started……..
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/vignettes-of-when-the-fight-started/
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/alzheimers-test-for-modern-seniors/
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-legal-question/
This tale by Terry Morrison was published on the groaners listserv.
The annual Chefs’ Convention was the highlight of the year for the town of Canard Falls. Preparations for the big event began well in advance and nearly every one of ‘the Falls’ 9,326 inhabitants had a hand in it, even the children.
When the big day arrived, as it invariably did each year, it signalled the beginning of three full days of fun frivolity and feasting. People ate so … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dessert-at-canard-falls/
This is from cousin Jo Ann Thomas.
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, the other is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here’s how it all went.
My engaged … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-black-bras/
This was sent to me a few years ago by Dick Brewer.
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”
That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”
She said, “Aye, John, what was your toast?”
John Said, “Here’s to spending the rest … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-great-irish-toast/
This is from the groaners listserv.
An 80-year old man was having his annual check-up and the doctor asked him how he was feeling.
“I’ve never been better!” he boasted. “I’ve got an eighteen year old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-octogenarian/
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