All posts tagged Richard Lederer
Richard Lederer is an author whose works include “Get Thee to a Punnery”, “Anguished English”, “More Anguished English”, and “Pun and Games”. He was the 1989 Punster of the Year.
Putin on the Ritz
This one is making the rounds. No idea what the original source is, but Richard Lederer sent it to us.
Posted by Brian P. Combs on March 11, 2015
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/putin-on-the-ritz-2/
Space Opera
This tale is from the Richard Lederer and Stan Kegel book mentioned below.
It’s a long, long time from now, and machines have developed into sentient beings. Starting with the high-tech space stuff, a whole new set of different mechanistic species have come into existence. The machines are not only sentient; they are alive in other ways as well. They even produce offspring and evolve.
At first, it was just the super high-tech orbiting stuff that achieved self-awareness, but soon … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 14, 2011
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/space-opera/
Lip Service
*From Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer’s recent book.
A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in personality, character, and presentation, was suffering from an illness that made her lips cracked and sore. The slightest movement of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment. Her condition, though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application of a medication prescribed by her physician.
The instructions on the prescription were to apply the medication once a day, but the young woman found that more frequent applications … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 27, 2011
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/lip-service/
Halloween Poetry
From those punsters on the limericks and haiku listserv:
On Monday the coven was shocked
To learn that a witch had been socked
She took quite a beating
At last wiccan’s meeting
So this week the back doors warlocked
(Gary Hallock)
To frighten the chicks Tom devises
Sheets of white, for turkeys, wise is
His gobblin’ will fool
Those chicks so uncool
This poultry guised pullets surprises
(Gary Hallock)
One of those dead old pha-raohs
Once asked his dad why … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 29, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-poetry/
Halloween Humor in a Jugular Vein*
From the groaners listserv and from the book referenced below.
We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and relaxation. So Count Dracula went on a tour of Europe.
Having not had a meal since he’d left the homeland of Transylvania, he was very glad when a town constable knocked on his hotel door and asked the count to show him his passport. It didn’t take Dracula long to grab the policemen and suck every drop of … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 26, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-humor-in-a-jugular-vein/
Halloween Riddles Part 3
Continuing the Halloween Riddles.
Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away (Gary Hallock)
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch.
Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
He wants to use them later for cold cuts!
How do ghosts begin letters?
“Tomb it may concern”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 19, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-riddles-part-3/
Halloween Riddles Part 2
These are from the groaners listserv.
Why did the skeleton go to the hospital ?
To have his ghoul stones removed !
How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?
He could feel it in his bones !
What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?
Lazy bones !
What do boney people use to get into their homes ?
Skeleton keys !
What happened to the boat that sank in … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 18, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-riddles-part-2/
Time For Anger
“Time for Anger” from “The Ants Are My Friends” by Richard Lederer & Stan Kegel (©2007 Marion Street Press) “Rock of ages, cleft for me. Let me hide myself in thee” from “Rock of Ages” by Thomas Hastings and Augustus M. Topland.
Herman was afflicted with an explosive personality that caused him more and more problems at home and on the job. Finally, his distressed family persuaded him to enter an anger-management course.
Herman’s therapy included an alarm clock on … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on August 8, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/time-for-anger/
*A Gem of A Romance
From Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer.
Once upon a slime, a girl ghoul fell in love with a mummy. Alas, the girl ghoul did not know much about the proper care of mummies, and in a couple of weeks the mummy began to unravel and disintegrated. Which just goes to prove that a ghoul and her mummy are soon parted.
Then the ghoul fell in love with a little devil, who turned out to be a loving and generous sweetheart. … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 25, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-gem-of-a-romance/
The Human Stain
A recent offering from Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer’s book.
Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers were having dinner at an expensive New York restaurant. It was the place to be seen and both had dressed for the occasion. Ginger was resplendent in a ball gown and diamond tiara while Fred wore his smartest morning suit. But the evening was marred when the waiter bringing their desserts tripped and covered Fred from head to toe in treacle sponge.
“I’m terribly sorry,” … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 15, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-human-stain/
Have You Heard About These Cats?
*These are by Richard Lederer.
Have you heard about the tailor who let his cat out, the firefighter who put her cat out, and the private eye who put a tail on a Manx?
Have you heard about the cat who entertained herself with some wool? After a while, she had a ball.
Have you heard what happened when she swallowed that ball? She had mittens. All her offspring were born wearing sweaters.
I hope you found this yarn to … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 11, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/have-you-heard-about-these-cats/
Soft Drink Packaging
By Alan B. Combs. This is another possible entry for Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer’s book of song-title puns.
Marketing for television commercial has increasingly become a high-pressure endeavor. Things are touted, not because they are necessary, but rather that they might sell. As you probably have suspected, I am going to point out a particularly bad example of the art. You wouldn’t be wrong.
One of the major (but unnamed in this tale) bottling manufacturers decided that providing choices … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 7, 2006
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/soft-drink-packaging/
English is sooooo easy!!
This is not completely punny, but is so close. This little treatise on the lovely language we share is only for the brave. The portion following the list is by Richard Lederer. Peruse at your leisure, English lovers.
Reasons why the English language is so hard to learn:
1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
2) The farm was used to produce produce.
3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
4) We must … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 20, 2004
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/english-is-sooooo-easy/
Nobility
This is by Stan Kegel, based on a pun by Richard Lederer. What a pair of punsters that is.
There was concern in the House of Lords when John Greenleaf announced his marriage to May Dolittle. After all, he was the Duke of Somerset, the current peer from a long family of dukes, and she was not only a commoner, but had been a London cabaret entertainer, whose humor tended to be somewhat, shall we say, risque. But they were … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 14, 2003
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/nobility/