All posts tagged Jim Macaulay

A Broken Pencil is Pointless

Jim Macaulay submitted this shaggy little guy.

Some years ago, there was a man by the name of Leroy Walter Macaulay, or Lee Wally, as he was known by friends and family, that lived in the mountains of North Carolina, in a clearing just outside of Highlands, North Carolina. He lived in that clearing with his wife, Mary Sue, and his son, Cane. Lee Wally made his living making bootleg liquor, more commonly known as moonshine, in the still of … Read the rest...

Jim Macauley’s Bulwer-Lytton Entry

Jim Macauley sent in his rejected Bulwer-Lytton entry. I think we have better taste here than the Bulwer-Lytton judges do.

In the food preparation area of the Topkapi Palace in 15th century Istanbul, Mehmet, the master chef and author of the renowned “Dissertation on Desert Desserts,” was busy demonstrating that he could improve the flavor of most dishes with just a sheik of sultan pepper.… Read the rest...

My Brother Pete and I

This is by Jim Macaulay. Thank you.

Everybody who knows my family knows that I always have looked up to my older brother, Pete. In fact, when I got married, my wife and I moved to Ashtabula, where my older brother lived with his wife and family. I spent as much time with Pete as our work and family obligations would allow, playing golf, watching sporting events, and having occasional joint family picnics. In fact, our two families also attended … Read the rest...

What Matters to a Woman

Another subtle submission from Jim Maccaulay. Thanks.

While having a drink in his favorite tavern, John noticed a lovely blond woman seated several tables away. Smitten, John went over and introduced himself. “Hello there. My name is John. Can I buy you a drink?”

The blonde replied, “My name is Sally, and I would love to have a drink with you. Please pull up a chair and sit with me.”

As the evening progressed, they consumed several drinks. When the … Read the rest...

Another Holmes and Watson Tale

A pun from Jim Macaulay. Thanks.

When Sherlock Holmes was a boy, he attended the somewhat obscure Ella School for Boys just outside of London. Last year, when Holmes and his friend, Dr. John Watson, were attending Holmes’ 40th reunion of his graduation from Ella, Watson noticed that all of Holmes’ old classmates seemed to be just milling about. Watson inquired of Holmes, “Why do all your classmates seem to be lollygagging about?”

Holmes replied, “Ella men tarry, my dear … Read the rest...

A Dee-Cent Short Story

This is by Jim MacCaulay who sent it to us. Thank you.

This year at our high school, there are two senior girls that are best of friends. One’s name is Dolores Penn, and the other’s name is Dolores Seward. As you might expect, both girls are called “Dee” by their friends and families. Since the two girls are always together, the students at the high school cannot resist a few wordplays on the girls’ names. For example, whenever one … Read the rest...

Thanks to W.C. Fields

Jim Macaulay [] sent this to Brian. The author is unknown.

Jim and Bob were brothers who worked at opposite ends of the automobile business. Jim was the owner and CEO of The Neeven Company, a large manufacturer and distributor of automotive parts and equipment. Bob operated an automobile repair shop that used the Neeven products exclusively.

One day a huge tractor-trailer rig coasted to a halt in front of Bob’s repair shop. The driver got out and said to … Read the rest...

Problems of Ice Hockey

This cute little variant was sent to Brian by Jim Macaulay.

Up in Ohio, there was this youth hockey team called the “Ashtabula Mighty Mites.” They had one team member, Little Johnny, who was a holy terror. He often would get angry and throw equipment on the ice, and sometimes he would throw things at the opposing players and the officials. It got so bad that the other teams did not want to play them anymore. Just as the league … Read the rest...

A Short Snort

This is by Jim Macaulay.

John was definitely an alcoholic. His wife, Nancy, constantly begged and harassed him to stop drinking. “If you don’t quit drinking,” she said to him, “you are going to wind up with the undertaker.”

In other words, John was putting the quart before the hearse.

Howell Gwin added:

And then there’s the coed who eloped. She put the heart before the course.… Read the rest...


This lovely addition to the web site is by Jim Macaulay.

When Franklin Roosevelt was president, he kept exotic fish and other sea creatures in several aquariums in the White House. In one of those aquariums, he kept a moray eel. This was not just your average moray. In fact, it did not look like any moray you have ever seen. Some people referred to it as some kind of albino creature, but that was not completely accurate. This moray … Read the rest...

A Seafarin’ Computer Tale (Arrrrr!)

This anachronistic little gem was submitted by Jim Macaulay. If you are just too young to get the reference, “Nyaa, nyaa, nyaa!”

As a highly skilled computer technician, Joe was hired to synchronize the communication between the microchips in the various computers in a local network. His new boss had left him instructions on a series of post-it notes. The slips of paper were so numerous and jumbled that they were confusing to Joe and his colleagues. Finally, Joe decided … Read the rest...