All posts tagged Howell Gwin

Indian Artifacts

By Stan Kegel

Artifacts are a major portion of an Indian reservation’s economy. Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of the traditional Indian culture.

One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian … Read the rest...

North Carolina

In honor of the North Carolina football game (whether he intended it, or not), Howell Gwinn sent the following bit of local lore.

I discovered that there are a group of very horny North Carolinians who dress up like Batman, Superman, Batgirl, etc and get together on the Outer Banks for long orgies. They’re called the Caped Hatterasexuals.… Read the rest...

Cold War (Original-Style Shaggy Dog)

This lovely old shaggy tale was sent to me by Howell Gwin. Sue Lemcke sent me a similar tale.

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They would have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever … Read the rest...

The Lawyer and the Elephant

Lowrie Beacham sent me this lovely old story.

It seems that there were two brothers; one went to business school and became a banker, the other went to law school and became a lawyer. As will happen in some families, they drifted apart. So much so, that they completely lost touch with each other; neither knew the address or phone number of the other.

The banker did very well. He became vice president of a large eastern bank, which had … Read the rest...


This brief tale is from Howell H. Gwin, Jr.

Paleontologists have just discovered a jar-shaped flying reptile. It’s being called an amphorhynchus.… Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #7: A High-Iron Diet

This is a continuation of the tall tales by Paul de Anguera.

The flying frigate H.M.S. Legume headed eastward, hoping to leave the horrors of Transylvania behind. Almo Sather leaned against the stern rail and gazed with bovine fascination at the evil land passing below. Now and then he reached into a paper bag with chubby fingers, took out another sugar cube filched from the galley, and popped it into his mouth. Suddenly he stiffened, for he had seen a … Read the rest...

If You’ve Got It, Flaut It

Howell Gwin tells us, “This came to me in a blinding flash of insight. I know not whence it came.”

There was a homeless man, typically dirty and scruffy, who played his flute on the street corners. Passers by would throw coins into his hat. As he made more money, he became more confident and more expert, until one day he decided to end his impromptu recitals with the good old classic “Bill Bailey, won’t you please come home?”. He … Read the rest...

The Chinese Refugee

This is by Bela Roberts from Pun Amerivan Newsletter. Stan Kegel posted it on the groaners listserv.

A certain Mr. Chou, to save his life, fled from his native China during a revolution, leaving a son behind. Years later, he returned to search for his long lost son. He learned that a family named Gault (a common name there, like Smith) had spirited his son away for safety. Extensive searching and the questioning of several young men who might have … Read the rest...

The Radio

Charlotte sent me this tear jerker. It is, perhaps, very typical of those uplifting stories we get off the internet these days.

A very heartwarming story for the New Year……

Here’s a nice story I thought would touch your heart. Someone who teaches at a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter. The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all … Read the rest...

Silence Not Golden

This is by Howell Gwin, Jr. who says I should blame his daughter because it came out of a conversation between the two of them.

A woman took her child to the doctor and said, “Doctor, Doctor, sometimes my child just sits there and doesn’t say anything!!””

Said the Doctor, “That’s perfectly normal; he’s just going through aphasia.”

Then the doctor asked her to pay her bill.

“Sorry” she said. “I’m Broca.”**

**Broca’s area is the part of the brain … Read the rest...

Cheesy story

I received this from Howell Gwinn, who said, “THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU SHARE PUNS WITH STUDENTS!! They repay you in kine, so …..don’t have a cow!!”

The astronauts in the Sea of Tranquility were amazed to discover that the moon actually did contain large underground deposits of cheese. Once outside the LEM, they climbed into the LTV and drove across the lunar surface to obtain samples. In one location they discovered a large deposit of brie and collected … Read the rest...

Eternity in an Hour or So

Howell H. Gwin sent this to me.

Our old friend Gladys attended church services one particular Sunday. The sermon seemed to go on forever, and many in the congregation fell asleep.

After the service, to be social, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman, in an attempt to revive him from his stupor, extended her hand in greeting, and said, “Hello, I’m Gladys Dunn.”

To which the gentleman replied, “You’re not the only one!”… Read the rest...

Different Strokes

I received this from Howell Gwin. The author is Stan Kegel.

A bloke and his girlfriend are having a bit of rumpy-pumpy in the back of his van. All is going splendidly until the girl starts screaming “Whip me, whip me”. The man desperately looks around for a bit of rope or cable, anything with which he can give her what she wants. Finally, he winds down lashing – much to his girlfriend’s delight!

Several weeks later the girl visits … Read the rest...

Nice Scream

This is from Howell Gwin, who is getting into it, more and more.

Once upon a time, there were two robins who woke one day to find the sun shining, a light breeze blowing, not a cloud in the sky! They went down, found breakfast, had a drink, baths (water AND dust) and decided to take the rest of the day off from whatever-it-is-that-robins-do.

So they found a good patch of turf, lay down, stretched a time or two and … Read the rest...

How They May Do It at Lamar Univ.

This is from Howell H. Gwin, Jr.

I noticed when I came to school this morning, our Political Science Department is getting new computers. I’m not surprised, since they’ve probably worn out their old ones sending angry e-mail to everybody in (or out of) politics.

They are being patriotic, though, since they’ve traded in their foreign made Compaqs for computers made in Austin.

They are now being called THE FLAMERS AND THE DELL.… Read the rest...

In Memory of Custer

This is an older story with a new twist. It comes from H. Gwin and J. Love, colleagues at Lamar.

Dr. Combs (this is business, so I’m being formal):

I would like to nominate Dr. Jim Love for membership on your TFTD list. I believe he is worthy for the following reason.

Yesterday, I told him the story about the Custer’s Last Stand Mural, a work of art which an artist agreed to paint as long as he was allowed … Read the rest...