All posts tagged Dave Wallace

Ferment It’s Worth

I was out at Fitzroy Island recently – I keep saying you haven’t lived until you spend some quality time in the water with a Green Sea Turtle and then have a fine beer in Foxy’s front bar. It’s the kind of place where you sit down, look around and wonder what all the underprivileged people are doing.

Reminds me that last October I was there and Foxy’s was doing a sort of October Fest. Because everything has to come … Read the rest...

All I Need is a Sine

Sent in by Dave Wallace, who says, “Currently floating around like a log on FB. Bit of a tangent from the usual, but I’m sending it ‘cos I can.”

stop_signRead the rest...

A Wheely Good Pun

Dave Wallace sent this in, saying that he cobbled it together from several “Aviation Herald” threads.

A Mistral Avions de Transport Regional ATR-72-212A on behalf of Alitalia, registration OY-YAB performing flight AZ-1821 from Pantelleria to Trapani (Italy), was enroute when air traffic control informed the crew that a nose wheel had been found on the departure runway and had been identified as belonging to their aircraft.

The crew continued to Trapani, performed a low approach to have the landing gear … Read the rest...

A Man with OCD Walks Repeatedly Into a Bar…

The prolific Dave Wallace sent this one in.

Whilst having a medical history taken to address my SOBOE (Shortness Of Breath On Exertion) issues, the following (slightly embellished) conversation occurred.

Doctor: What are your limits on exertion?
Me: I can climb half-way up the back stairs, then need a rest.
Doctor: How many steps?
Me: 12… every time.
Doctor: You have OCD! (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Me: No, it’s CDO – the letters gotta be in alphabetical order.
Doctor: Isn’t there … Read the rest...

Soccer? I barely know her!

Knowledge of Premier League football will help with this submission by Dave Wallace.

Like many of us, I’m embarrassed when I can’t remember the name of a person after our initial introduction.

My local coffee shop proprietor introduced me to her new worker, Chelsea, recently.

Now, I want you to know that I have a system for remembering names by spotting some characteristic of that person and creating an association, or index as a prompt or hint to recall the … Read the rest...

A Future CAWnvict

Dave Wallace sent in this picture pun that’s been making the rounds. I’ll admit that I had to think about it the first time I saw it.

Attempted MurderRead the rest...

I Could Wax On About this Pun

Dave Wallace sent this little gem in, that while not exactly timely, is wonderfully subtle. I expected it to go in a very different direction.

General: Mr. President, we have just received news that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed.
Bush Jr.: Oh God! This is horrible news! (tears up)
General: Is everything OK sir?
Bush Jr.: Just… how many… is one brazilian?… Read the rest...

Not a Boaring Advertisement

Dave Wallace submitted this punny advertisement from down under. He says that Americans might need to look up Pig’s Arse in the Urban Dictionary.

So you don't think you need legal adviceRead the rest...

Ignore the Booze from the Crowd

Dave thinks this is an original of his. At least as original as anything can be these days.

The Geezers fought in the Second World War, where courage often came from the bottle. So few remaining…

The Baby Boomers were brought up to be healthy and eschew alcohol.

So what about the pre-Boomers in between?

That would be a Boozer.… Read the rest...

The Costs of Inflation

Dave Wallace sent this little gem.


The activity formerly known as “69” will henceforth be called “96”. This is due to the higher cost of eating out.… Read the rest...

I Dream of Jeannie She’s a Light Brown Hare

Dave Wallace sent in this tasty little gem.

In Australia, rabbit was once known as “Depression Mutton”, but now it has become a darling of the cooking shows.

Rabbit Stifado

Matthew Evans provides the rabbits for this traditional Greek recipe, wherein the meat is browned then slow-cooked with onion, garlic and spices, resulting in a richly flavoured stew.

Chop each rabbit into 6 large pieces.

Heat the olive oil in deep-sided, heavy-based pot. Add the butter and oregano. Season well … Read the rest...

A Pun that Never Gets Old!

Dave Wallace asks this timeless question:

What happens when your spouse achieves immortality?

That’s unbereavable.… Read the rest...

Shaggy Pizza

Dave Wallace submitted this short little Christmas gem.

Q: What was Good King Wenceslas’s favourite pizza?

A: Deep pan, crisp and even.… Read the rest...

Superstorm Shaggy

This timely little entry is from Dave Wallace. He says he stole it from PPrune.

I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in North Dakota near the Canadian border. He said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is dropping way below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and … Read the rest...

Don’t Be Shellfish

Some black humor (or “humour”, as he would say) from Dave Wallace.

When Mr. Wilkins answered the door late in the evening the day after he’d lost his wife scuba diving, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife.”

“Well…tell me!” he demanded.

The policeman said, “We have some bad news, some pretty good news, and some really great news. Which do … Read the rest...

Shaggy Campfire

Dave Wallace sent this timely piece of advice in.

In California, and, indeed, many parts of the West – the whole country, actually, prevention of uncontrolled wildfire is critically important. So when we camp out in the Sierras, on the last night of a multi-day backpack, we occasionally get carried away and have a bigger fire than might be prudent.

The National Forests have some rules:

Prepare Your Site – Find a level spot away from overhanging branches, brush, or … Read the rest...

Not a Cigar?

Dave Wallace submitted this not-exactly-timely entry saying, “The glory and wealth of the language! Or not…”


What did the FBI forensic analysts find in the pocket of Monica’s Little Blue Dress?


A wad of bills.… Read the rest...

AAA Seal of Approval

Dave Wallace pointed out that this old favorite wasn’t in the collection.

A penguin was driving through the desert when her car broke down. She waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. Her car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told her he would need a couple of hours to check things out. The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn’t complain, and then wandered off to find the closest supermarket. She proceeded to the … Read the rest...

Shaggy Palm Story

This little story is from Dave Wallace.

I’ve had a rotten week, mostly, as I’ve had a nasty digestive condition which caused sudden, unplanned dashes to the bathroom. So I kept in close range and even moved some furniture around so as to have unimpeded access. Girl Next Door (GND) whispered a palliative in my ear & even drove to the pharmacy to get the needed tubing and stuff for me. So, twice a day, I did the simple procedure, … Read the rest...

The Coke Salesman in Israel

Dave Wallace sent this in. He says he got it from a friend whose first husband was Jewish. Beyond that, it’s origin is unknown.

A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Israel.

A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Israelis?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted, I was very confident I would make a good sales pitch. But I had a problem. I didn’t know how to speak Hebrew. So I planned to convey … Read the rest...

Shaggy Cotton

Another from the prolific Dave Wallace.

Central California and Australia produce some of the finest cotton in the world. The reason is that it never (well, hardly ever) rains in California and, using irrigation from the Sierras, the crop can be kept at the exact soil moisture necessary to optimize plant growth. The same
situation exists in parts of Australia, where it truly never rains, but the water is supplied by Artesian wells. Never so dry that the crop is … Read the rest...

Shagga Shagga

Dave submitted this tale from Down Under.

This is a true story.

Born in Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia, I’ve hiked/backpacked the Australian Alps and the California Sierras for all of my life. I’m Strine.

So, on a Trans-Sierra Day Hike (TSDH) a few years ago, the following actually happened.

Crossing the Sierras (“The Range of Light”, according to John Muir) in a single day is not only possible, but very instructive. If you start at the Rock … Read the rest...

When Irish Sighs are Whiling

Dave Wallace submitted this one, saying, “I’ve been telling this for years, don’t know where it came from and can’t believe it’s not in the collection.”

Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat’s dem”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere,” says Gerry, “Put dem in a peeper bag.” … Read the rest...

I Stink, Therefore I Am

This one is from prolific creator of puns, Dave Wallace.

Even in grade school, just after graduating from Kindy, Vangelis & Becky found themselves isolated from all the “mainstream” kids, who had rejected them because they smelled just a bit “off”. Becky’s mom was a stickler for personal hygiene, making sure that Becks had at least one shower or bath each day. Vangelis, unusually for a boy, knew that he could be a little pungent after physical exercise, so took … Read the rest...

Shakes Hands with the Head of the Household

This shaggy story was submitted by Dave Wallace. In his email, he said he should feel sorry for it, but I don’t think he is.

Little Tommy stomped loudly into the kitchen & yelled at the top of his voice “GOTTA PISS!”. Arthur Sydney’s mother, Arthur Sydney, and Little Susie (with eyes like saucers) were agog at Little Tommie’s language. “LITTLE TOMMIE”, yelled Sydney’s mother, “YOU MUST NEVER SAY THAT WORD

Well, Little Tommy, and Little Susie went on … Read the rest...