Entries involving different cultures, and cultural activities.
From Brother Tom Vickery.
An 80-year-old Italian goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, “How do you stay in such great physical condition?”
“I’m Italian and I am a golfer,” says the old guy, “and that’s why I’m in such good shape. I’m up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways. I have a glass of vino, and all is well.”
“Well”, … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/golf-is-good-for-italian-men/
This is developed from a forum post I read online.
Thursday night, Eleven time Grand Slam champion Rafael Nadal lost to 100th ranked Lukas Rosol of the Czech Republic in the second round at Wimbledon. Some call it the biggest upset in tennis history, but I think they’re missing the real story.
I heard that before the final point of the match, Nadal cried out that he couldn’t believe he was losing to a Serb. After scoring, Rosol yelled out, … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-backhanded-compliment/
By Alan B. Combs.
I have been thinking about how to develop this tale for over a year or so. A couple of weekends ago, the Republic of Texas Rally (aka the ROT Rally) had its annual meeting in Austin. The press has estimated that there were between 40,000 to 50,000 bikers in town. They were well-behaved and enhanced the economy and the sales of ear plugs.
It does seem to me that there are three ways that folks ride … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-bikers-ride/
These are from Stan Kegel on Yahoo puns.
– PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!”
– MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?”
– MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”
– HUMPTY DUMPTY’S … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/mother-quotes/
Dave Wallace sent this in. He says he got it from a friend whose first husband was Jewish. Beyond that, it’s origin is unknown.
A disappointed salesman of Coca-Cola returned from his assignment to Israel.
A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Israelis?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted, I was very confident I would make a good sales pitch. But I had a problem. I didn’t know how to speak Hebrew. So I planned to convey … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-coke-salesman-in-israel/
Here’s a new list of short ones making the rounds. Thanks to Don Drinnon.
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. Yep – it’s syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. BUT, He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/14245/
Dave submitted this tale from Down Under.
This is a true story.
Born in Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, Australia, I’ve hiked/backpacked the Australian Alps and the California Sierras for all of my life. I’m Strine.
So, on a Trans-Sierra Day Hike (TSDH) a few years ago, the following actually happened.
Crossing the Sierras (“The Range of Light”, according to John Muir) in a single day is not only possible, but very instructive. If you start at the Rock … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shagga-shagga/
Dave Wallace submitted this one, saying, “I’ve been telling this for years, don’t know where it came from and can’t believe it’s not in the collection.”
Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop. Right away they go over to the bird section. Gerry says to Paddy, “Dat’s dem”. The clerk comes over and asks if he can help them. “Yeah, we’ll take four of dem dere birds in dat cage op dere,” says Gerry, “Put dem in a peeper bag.” … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/when-irish-sighs-are-whiling/
This was posted on puns@yahoogroups.com. It could do as well as a St. Paddy’s Day tale.
Recently, during a routine patrol, an RCMP patrolman parked down the street outside a Legion Hall just off the main road in Gander NF, Canada.
After last call, the officer observed a man leaving the Legion Hall. The gentleman was so intoxicated that he could barely walk. He then stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.
After … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/drinking-and-driving/
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shoes-for-that-special-evening-on-an-italian-cruise/
Dave Wallace reworked on oldie but goodie. “Just for fun,” as he said.
Here is a little-known fact:
One of the most famous musicians of the Big Band era had three spinster sisters, who were avid baseball fans. As the Count toured across country, he would treat the three sisters to tickets for what ever game was in town. This could have been because he genuinely loved his sisters, or it might have been related to the fact that they … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/one-oclock-shaggy/
32. Can you say “Stereotype”?
Another from Lowrie B.
31. When I retire, I’m movin’ north.
30. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.
29. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
28. Duct tape won’t fix that.
27. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken
26. We don’t keep firearms in this house.
25. You can’t feed that to the dog.
24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.
23. Wrestling is fake.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-top-31-things-you-will-never-hear-a-southern-boy-say/
Submitted by Dave Wallace.
When Kate became a Princess (and a Duchess, too!) much of the world latched onto her younger sister’s amazing bridesmaid behind. Sites such as “Pippa’s Amazing Arse” were founded, twitters were tweet and the mainstream media fell all over themselves with pictures and dreadful, awful buttocks puns. It reminded me of the classically sad movie “Slang The Bum, Drolly”.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pippas-shaggy-posterior/
This is by Dr. Jake Katz.
Tell me, O twins from the land of Odysseus and Onassis, of Agnew and Apollo, O inheritors of the roles of Castor and Polydeuces: have you heard the story of how, through trickery, the Achaeans were able to pass through the impregnable walls of Ilium and bring low the Trojan defenders? Listen, then; and may I push your heads just a bit closer to the water’s surface, slightly below perhaps? No?
Well, in any … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-trojan-horse/
This is from Brother Tom Vickery. It has an ancient flavor to it, but it was missing from the collection.
I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven. I asked them, “If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?”
“NO!” the children answered.
“If I cleaned the church … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/how-to-get-to-heaven-from-ireland/
This was published by Stan Kegel on puns@yahoo.com. It is an excellent companion piece to “The Craziest Language” and “Why is English the Lingua Franca? (aka English is Tough Stuff)”, both of which are in this collection.
So, you think English is easy, huh? Read out loud to the end and see if you still think so.
1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/english-aint-easy/
This was forwarded by Ms. Scarlett.
Two women were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one looks at the other and says, ‘I can’t help but think, from listening to you, that you’re from Ireland.’
The other woman responds proudly, ‘Yes, sure an’ I am!”
The first one says, ‘So am I! And where about in Ireland are ya from?’
The other woman answers, ‘I’m from Dublin, I am.’
The first one responds, ‘So am … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ireland-can-be-a-small-world/
This is from Bro. Tom Vickery.
1. Teaching Math In the 1950s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In the 1960s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In the 1970s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-evolution-in-teaching-math-since-the-1950s/
From Sonya. I am 25% Scandihoovian; to her honor, she’s more than that.
Ole is the Pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church and Pastor Sven is the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across the road.
One day they are seen pounding a sign into the ground, which said:
DA END ISS NEAR!
TURN YERSELF AROUNT NOW
BAFOR IT ISS TOO LATE!
As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells, “Leave people alone, … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/da-end-iss-near/
Readers of New York magazine were asked to invent country-song titles. Here are some of their entries.
– Ain’t No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out
– You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa
– Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With A Tart
– I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad Hare Day
– She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn’t Choose Me
– The Peach I … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-country-song-titles/
This little bit of ancient wisdom was sent to us by Shayne Gad.
The tribal wisdom of the Lakota Sioux, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.
However, in government, Federal State and Local (including police, fire departments & education),Unions, large organizations and corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed:
1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-dead-horse-theory/
This was forwarded by Dick Brewer. It is by John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”
The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/british-alerts-to-terror-threats-in-2011/
From Shayne Gad.
GENERAL:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still
Rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.
DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/east-texas-etiquette/
This was published on the yahoogroups.com punsite by Anna Welander.
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer
stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you
that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous.”
“I thank thee,” replied the Amish lady. “I shall have my husband repair it
as soon as I return home.”
“Also,” said the … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-amish-woman/
From the groaners listserv.
In the late 1800s, not wanting to be outdone by American rodeo, an English chap decided to become a rodeo star. Not having a horse or any cattle, he cast about for some way to perform. His vocation was building outhouses, and he had several samples behind his home. He had also installed a couple of standing gas lamps in his yard. As a start, he decided that lassoing these objects would be good practice. After … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/two-loopholes/
