Another synaptic sampling from Chris Cole

Captain Song Lohn Jilver of the Crimean Navy was about to punish a rather crude and rude sailor on deck. The Captain had the sailor tied to the mast and his shirt ripped off. Then the Captain proceeded to shout out, “You are a heel, sir! You are a boor, a cad, a dispicable person, a nasty lad, a low-life….” On and on went the Captain’s tirade as he paced about, arms wildly waving.… Read the rest...

Another cerebral sampling from Chris Cole.

Once upon a time there were four musk oxen who became the best of friends. They did everything together. When it came time for them to get new harnesses, they all went to the tack shop together to be fitted.

Alas, one of the musk oxen — Clumsy Clyde — wasn’t too sure of foot and tripped inside the tack shop, stumbling over the work bench and then falling forward, fatally impaling himself upon … Read the rest...

This is from the prolific Chris Cole.

Seems a local eccentric (with WAY too much time on his hands) loved to take his riding lawnmower into strange neighborhoods and cut people’s grass while they were asleep. In the morning they’d awaken to newly-mown lawns up and down the street. The local newspaper kept tabs on where this anonymous grass cutter would strike next. A recent headline proclaimed in bold print: The Lawn Stranger Rides Again!… Read the rest...

Another Original from Chris Cole.

Various professions have lofty ideals they pursue. In the agricultural realm there is the pursuit of the perfectly-shaped pea. An annual contest is held in which randomly selected bushel baskets from each pea crop are given to professional sorters. Their goal is to eliminate all the odd-shaped peas from the batch, with only perfectly round peas remaining. The most offending shape to be discarded was that of a bell. Peas shaped like that were to … Read the rest...

This timely tale is by Chris Cole (ccole@winstar.com).

In the latest spate of military action against Iraq, Sadam Hussein’s military was lured into firing upon over 6 dozen tiny, unarmed remotely-controlled aircraft, thinking they were incoming cruise missles. In doing so, they didn’t notice the main incoming attack force until it was too late. The Iraqi press denounced this “evil” deception by the “Great Satan United States” with the following headline: 76 Bomb Drones in the Big Charade!… Read the rest...

This was submitted by Chris Cole.

Earthen dams still exist in many parts of the country — around the world, in fact. Funny thing about them, however… With ready access to a usually reliable supply of water, those dams with steady resevoir levels and good soil produce a thick, rich carpet of grass on them. This lush covering often grows so quickly that it begins to seem impossible to maintain a neatly-trimmed appearance. Folks have been know to comment that … Read the rest...

Mitch sent me this groaner. As is the case with many folks, he is very faithful.

Once upon a time in England, a very mean witch was terrorizing the local population. They finally went to a wizard to see what could be done about her. The wizard gave them a potion that would turn the witch into a statue.

The townspeople managed to put the potion in the witch’s food. When she found out about this, she turned green with … Read the rest...

Another original musing from Chris Cole.

Most students of the Bible are undoubtedly aware that the Apostle Paul prior to his Christian conversion was a Pharisee who was also trained as a tent maker as his vocation in life. It was not until recently, however, that archeologists unearthed scrolls describing a side hobby that Paul also had. It seems Paul had quite the green thumb. That’s right — it seems he had quite a knack for not only cultivating various … Read the rest...

Here’s another synaptic sampling from Chris Cole.

New Testament theologians have long known that the Apostle Paul wrote some of his epistles while in prison. It wasn’t until just recently, however, that they came across some historical references to how he managed to smuggle these inspired messages out of prison and get them to his intended recipients.

From deep within one of his many dungeon incarcerations, Paul was able to gain access to the bow and arrow of one of … Read the rest...

Another original from Chris Cole.

Recently an NBA player went in for arthroscopic surgery on both knees at the same time. Somehow, the doctor really screwed up and the player came out of surgery six inches shorter than when he went in.

Well, the player was outraged and royally chewed out the doctor, who, in a fit of pique of his own, responded by insulting the NBA star, making snide jokes about his sudden post-surgical shortness. The player hobbled off, … Read the rest...

Another original creation (by Chris Cole)……shrugs shoulders….oh well.

This seaon’s final episode of Star Trek — Deep Space Nine will involve having Dax (Curzon Dax, to be exact) single-handedly devising a clever strategy, wherein she/he will use her/his impressive Trill abilities to foil the entire enemy armada in one fell swoop. In the episode’s closing scene, Dax will savor the climactic battle’s sweet conclusion by breaking into a beautiful, joyous song. Quark will close out the episode in his usual … Read the rest...

This is from Chris Cole. He calls it, “another orginal synapse hiccup…”

Then, there was the lovely young computer genius who has suffered from self-esteem, and thought she was too flat-chested. So she did what any computer-type would do…she got a silicone mammary upgrade!… Read the rest...

This is a contribution from Chris Cole, who says, “…another original creation…..yeah, I can’t pass the blame on to anyone else….I’m stuck with it!”

Once upon a time (well, more than once, actually, …a number of times) the Carrier Pigeon Employees Union held an Iron Bird competition to honor the toughest, most dedicated specimen of avian delivery in the State of (where else?) California.

Only two birds made it into the final round, where each carrier pigeon had to carry … Read the rest...

Chris Cole calls this another abberent synapse product of his mind. I call it enjoyable.

Rod Serling, that prolific and creative creator/writer of the classic Twilight Zone series, attributed much of his success in story creation to the habit he had of always keeping a pen and pad of paper on his nightstand next his bed. Then, whenever he awoke during the night and an idea was fresh in his mind, he could quickly jot down some notes and avoid … Read the rest...

From: Chris Cole This is one of several original contributions to the collection that we will see from Chris.

Scene One: Cooking school. The assignment to create a delicious side salad with kidney beans, green beans, and wax beans in a seasoned oil-and-vinegar dressing. The student-cooks begin their work.

Scene Two: Three students Larry, Moe and Curly (soytenly!) get into an argument over the order in which to add each ingredient. Words lead to shoving, which in turn leads to … Read the rest...

This sent to us by Chris Cole who says, “(Courtesy of ‘Uncle Jaybird’s Storytime’, a popular shaggy dog feature doneby a southern California disc jokey on KFI in the late 1960s… sent in by some equally demented listener…)”

In the Alps there was a treacherous mountain which had never been successfully scaled. No one who attempted to reach the summit had ever returned. Only once had a battered and broken climber crawled back into the village at the foot of … Read the rest...