All posts tagged Chris Cole

The Good Son

This tale is very old. Dick Brewer sent me this version.

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.”

The second said,” I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.”

The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know her … Read the rest...

In the Cards

This is by Chris Cole.

It seems there once was a ghost who inhabited a little shopping mall. This ghost, however, was quite allergic to berries. So, when the local residents one day decided to hold a Berry Festival in the mall, the ghost became quite upset and decided to frighten them all away.

When the assembled crowd was at its largest, he held his breath until he swelled up to 10 times his normal size, then dramatically appeared and, … Read the rest...

Going Nuts

Another synaptic spark from Chris Cole

Ol’ Jedediah was out hunting for the daily take of rabbits and squirrels required to feed his growing family. As he rounded a stand of trees, high up on one large limb sat the largest squirrel he’d ever seen. It must have weighed over 100 pounds! Taking careful aim with his trusty (and rusty!) musket, Jeb let loose a blast and felled that monster squirrel with one shot.

This did not go unnoticed by … Read the rest...

School Daze

This is by Chris Cole.

We’ve all heard more than our share about Tarzan and Jane. Cheetah, however, rarely makes the news. He seems to always be in the background, except when some kind of comic relief is called for. Then, he rises to the occasion. Actually, this is really quite remarkable, considering his lack of formal thespian training. Even after the fame of numerous movies and TV series, Tarzan and Jane tried repeatedly to enroll their little chimp in … Read the rest...

Will You Be My Friend?

Another synaptic spurt from Chris Cole.

A little known canine companion of Mister Rogers was his trusty ol’ Coon dog, Blue. Whenever Mister Rogers came home ol’ Blue would let out the most beautiful, mournful wail of greeting. Faithful Blue never missed a single day of his hound hellos, but seemed honor-bound to continue day in and day out. Sometimes visitors would ask Mister Rogers what he thought about ol’ Blue’s gritty greeting. Mister Rogers would gaze at Blue, smile … Read the rest...

A Prayerful Paws

Chris Cole sends “Another sample of synaptic silliness…”

Many people know of cultural groups that love pigs feet and pigs knuckles. Some consider them a delicacy beyond compare.

Well, there is another cultural group that favors feline feet. That’s right, they love nothing better than a batch of well-cooked little kitty paws. In fact, they have annual events dedicated to various recipes and celebrations of the many culinary variations of preparing this tasty treat.

Their annual gathering is called the … Read the rest...

Shaggy Toreador

By Chris Cole

It seems there was this young man who had long dreamed of becoming a bullfighter. Eventually, his attained his bullish goal. Curiously enough, he also had an avid following among a group of students from a local rabbinal school that occupied a special section in the stadium. They enthusiastically cheered him on in every engagement. One day, however, he was paying a bit more attention to his audience than to his adversary and, following his cape flourish … Read the rest...

A Hun-ting We Will Go…

Another synaptic sputtering from Chris Cole.

It seems that the impending approach of Attila the Hun’s horde caused a rather timid Friar in a local monastery to have a crisis of faith and to flee the monastery. In spite of that he eventually ended up being captured by Attila’s troops anyway and was imprisoned in one of their nearby garrisons, just over the hill from the monastery itself.

The Abbott of the monastery went about the countryside asking if anyone … Read the rest...

A Love Triangle

A sheepish tale by Norman Gilbert.

Once upun a time on a fork in the river Rhine there was a love triangle involving a handsome young shepherd, a beautiful princess and a sheep.

Our hero was herd to say to his loved one, “I love you.” When she asked, “How much?” he replied, “All of you.”

This was over-herd by the sheep (the obtuse side of the triangle) who became so sick with jealousy that her wool turned green and … Read the rest...

A Tall Ship Tale #13: Duck Soup

The next from the collection by Paul de Anguera.

“Now, where can we get tinned duck?” the First Mate asked Quid cannily. They were hurrying around the Constantinople bazaar in what had suddenly become an urgent supply mission, thanks to a deal between the Harbor Master and a loan shark to which the H.M.S. Legume had somehow become a party. “And oil — where can we get that?” he added to the Captain wickedly. Captain Quid pointed at a ceramics … Read the rest...

Poetic Justice

Another tale by Chris Cole

Little Fosworth was an unusual lad, in that he absolutely LOVED poetry. He even tried as much as possible to speak in verse. When people made fun of him, he took the opposite viewpoint, rhyming as he went, making sure others knew that for him, answering in rhyme was simply the con-verse. (As you can see, the little chap was a bit of a punster as well!) Anyway, just the other day a pair of … Read the rest...

The Worm Turns

Chris Cole tells us, “Here’s another one of my self-induced deliruims….”

Robbie Robin was a worm-catcher extraordinaire. He arose earlier than all the other birds and took great pride in his worm-acquiring abilities. Often he’d encounter worms who were trying desperately to verbally — uh — worm their way out of their impending doom. “Last of my family” and “the-wife-and-kids” excuses abounded. No dice. They simply became Robbie’s breakfast. Some would try to physically resist Robbie, but his tough beak … Read the rest...

Crew Business — A Shaggy Tale of Commerce

This was posted by Greenecat on alt.callahans. The author is unknown.

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri river. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day the Japanese won by a mile.

Afterwards, the American team became very discouraged and morally depressed. The American management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A “Measurement Team,” … Read the rest...

Pulmon Aire

By Alan B. Combs

Harvey was not a shining example to others. He played the game of life as if the cliche were true that the one who died with the most toys was the winner. Electronics, high fidelity equipment, performance automobiles, trips to exotic places, Harvey was into them all, spending his inheritance lavishly.

It could not continue forever, however, and his life finally caught up with him. On a trip to a certain country not well known for … Read the rest...

Fringe Benefits

This nautical tale is by Chris Cole.

It seems the United States Navy was rather disturbed recently about the alarming amount of skin problems among its latest new crop of recruits. Not normally known for making rash decisions, the Navy rather promptly assembled a team of its leading dermatologists to attack the issue. In rather short order this crack team was able to develop an ointment to combat the post-adolescent skin disorder among the recruits.

In official (and predictable) gratitude, … Read the rest...

Creature Comfort

My collection of Chris Cole material will never run out. Here’s another.

We humans have a variety of counseling and therapist resources and friends to whom we can pour out our hearts and cry out our tears. Ever wonder what the angels do when they feel sad or depressed? Well, there is a special angel named Fred who runs a celestial counseling service.

Yup. Angels from far and wide make appointments with Fred. There they can let their raw emotions … Read the rest...

Full of It

This is a very old story and many versions exist. Two are presented here, a rude version and a more socially acceptable version.

This first version was sent to us by Pesner.

There was a fly buzzing around a barn one day when he happened on a pile of fresh horse manure. Due to the fact that it had been hours since his last meal, he flew down and began to eat. He ate and ate and ate. Finally, he … Read the rest...

New Motorcycle Show

This is from Chris Cole who claims responsibility for another brain spasm.

Ever alert for new ways to recycle old TV programs (basically because it beats having to exert one’s brain trying to be original and creative) network executives have decided to revive the old California-based motorcycle cop show staring, among others, Eric Estrada. This time, they plan have him temporarily transferred to New York state. This latest retro-TV revival will be known as “Buffalo CHiPs”.… Read the rest...

It Figures

More synaptic silliness from Chris Cole

Wilber was a mathematician who lived, breathed and ate thorny problems in geometric shapes and special relationships, his beloved specialty. His second-most love was a pair of exotic tropical birds he’d fondly named Dolly and Polly, after two of his favorite doting aunts. As a child, Wilbur remembered his aunts loved to have outdoors snacks, which resulted in Wilbur’s slyly noting to himself that they had thus become picnic aunts. (However, Wilbur was also … Read the rest...

At the Fleishacker Zoo

This story by Bill Crowley is found in the Dishonorable Mentions Category of the Y2K Bulwer-Lytton contest. The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a dreadful story.

After twenty years, twenty years as head avian keeper at Fleishacker Zoo (Combs’ … Read the rest...

Pharmacy Joke

Richard Brewer’s daughter Melanie, a pharmacist, sent this to her her dad. It is seldom that I hear a new one, but I haven’t heard this one before. The author is unknown.

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone.”

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than … Read the rest...

Arthur-it Is

Another self-inflicted tale by Chris Cole.

It seems rather well-known that in King Arthur’s Court the Royal Jester provided the verbal wit and humor. The Court Jester was pretty much free to pop-off whenever he felt like it. When it came to story-telling, however, the King decreed a rather unusual way to announce the daily appearance of the Royal Storyteller. All the King’s courtiers knew a story was about to be presented when out strode the Royal Mime carrying upon … Read the rest...

Texas Summer

This is by John Robertson. To properly appreciate it, you must understand that he currently is working on a postdoctoral position in Sweden.

Since I’ve been living abroad, people frequently ask me about the great State of Texas. Much of the time, these individuals want to know whether we all wear cowboy hats and boots, and whether we ride horses for transportation. However, the other day, I was asked what “distinguishes” Texas from other parts of the U.S. Having given … Read the rest...

Shirley Temple Black

This story is by Harry Farkas.

Shirley Temple Black is back in the public eye with a new biographical movie on television. There is a little-known story the movie won’t be covering.

In 1974 Shirley Temple Black was appointed U.S. Ambassador to Ghana. To celebrate, gala parties were planned at both the Swiss and British embassies. Ambassador Black’s assistants made plans for her to attend both fetes, but the Ambassador made it clear she wanted no part of a two … Read the rest...

The Gunslinger

This lovely variant on a Western theme is by Scarlett Herzele. The comment is by Chris Cole

There was a no good, very bad, terrible, nasty, mean cowboy criminal who, because of his terrible behaviour became known simply as the “Malady”. He was truly an affliction to every community. No one could lay a hand on him until one day an upstart young gunslinger named “Shooter” challenged him to a gunfight at the Not Quite OK Corral. Malady drew. Shooter … Read the rest...