This was sent to us by Bob Levi. The original author is not known. This joke was bounced by an anti-spam bot from one person on my mailing list — too suspicious a title, I suppose.
VIAGRA THERAPY
A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital. “How are you, Grandpa?” he asks.
“Feeling fine,” says the old man.
“What’s the food like?”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”
“And the nursing?” asks the young man.
“Couldn’t be better.”
“What about … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/what-another-viagra-joke/
By Bob Levi.
Did you hear about Sean O’Riley walking through the woods when he came upon a leprechaun? The little fellow started taunting Sean and promised him a pot ‘o gold if Sean could make him fall down. So Sean pushed and shoved the little man for many hours. Finally he succeeded and got his reward.
Occasionally when Sean tells the story, someone will ask him why it took so long for him to push the leprechaun over. Sean’s … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/irish-sighs/
By Alan B. Combs
I am reminded so many bad things start with the phrase, “I am reminded…” Nevertheless, I am reminded of the unfortunate Japanese lad in Yokohoma who was working on a roof. He dropped a tile on his hand, leaving a significant portion of epidermis behind. Then in his excitement, he kicked the ladder down and had to descend very carefully, hand over hand, clinging on to a gutter downpipe. Local wags created a song about this … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/yokohoma/
A Bob Levi Original…
Russ was leaving home for the Great Lakes Training Center to start his career in the Navy. His new wife, Amy, was filled with remorse and sadness. Russ was equally brokenhearted, but he felt that in these troubled times, he needed to serve his country. So he kissed his bride farewell and left for basic training.
Of course he took a framed portrait of Amy with him. Every night Russ would sit on his bunk, stare … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/see-the-palms/
This homiletic tale is from Bob Levi.
In a large Florida city, the local rabbi developed quite a reputation for his sermons; so much so that everyone in the community came every Shabbos.
Unfortunately, one weekend a member had to visit Long Island for his nephew’s Bar Mitzvah, but he didn’t want to miss The Rabbi’s sermon. So he decided to hire a “Shabbos goy” to sit in the congregation and tape the sermon so he could listen to it … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-sermons/
This was sent by Bob Levi who says, ” In the true spirit of Texas wisdom (which some might consider an oxymoron) —“. I think there are endless versions of this lovely old saw.
A big city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-shaggy-lawyer-story/
By Alan B. Combs with comments by Chris Cole and Bob Levi.
A young man applied for a job in a cordage shop and to his delight had been accepted. The store manager took it upon himself to train the new employee in the types of merchandise available. This was no small task.
First came the manila section, old classic hawsers originally from the days of tall ships and more flexible material used in horse training. Other sections of the … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-cordage-shop/
This is a Bob Levi original.
Did you hear how the Republic of Seychelles got its independence?
In case you don’t know, Seychelles is a group of about 100 islands located in the Indian Ocean to the northeast of Madagascar. Until 1976, these islands were a British colony. Many of the 80,000 inhabitants are of Asian decent, particularly Chinese. As a matter of fact, the ranking outgoing British official at the time was a gentleman of Chinese heritage by the … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/seychelles-independence/
By Bob Levi
What ever happened to those colorful characters, who used to “ride the Rails”? Called the American hobo, these people were typically down on their luck, but often took on a hobo’s life just for the adventure. Unfortunately, the majority of society did not think of them very highly. One might have said, “The bum is the lowest form of human.”
Lowrie Beacham came back with a topper along the line that if one is sitting on a … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bindlestiff/
This is from Bob Levi. It could as well have been an Aggie tale.
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/misunderstood/
This is a very recent pun cascade started by Liquor on alt.callahans.
Liquor wanders in. He’s been seeing a lot of Mark Allread for quite a while now but can’t resist a chance to tell pungent tales again.
“I suppose I should start by describing Mark. This is a man who’s never worn shorts in his life, because he is abslotely certain that his knees are the knobbliest things ever, and that people would run in disgust if he were … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pun-gent-story-in-shy-knees/
By Bob Levi
As most of you know, I love to cook. One of my favorite ingredients is fresh fennel. Often I’ll bake fish topped with sauteed sliced fennel and shallots along with some lemon zest and lemon juice. Give it a try sometime. While I was making this dish one night, the following popped into my head…
Although carp is a scavenger fish and has a bad reputation among many people, the true fish connoisseur recognizes that carp, when … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-fish-recipe/
Bob Levi sent this timely, topical tale. It is by Ted Brett.
Seeing Picabo Street carrying the Olympic torch during last Friday’s opening ceremony in Salt Lake City brought back memories of her upset victory in the giant slalom four years ago at Nagano. Three weeks after receiving a gold medal for her Olympian efforts, she had a disastrous crash in a World Cup race. This devastating accident kept her from competing for more than two years.
Her injuries included … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/olympic-special/
An original by Bob Levi.
A laundry worker operated what is called a mangle iron to press flatwork –tablecloths, draperies, sheets and pillowcases. The work was exceedingly difficult and hot so the mangle operator became disgruntled with the working conditions. She tried to get her union to have the laundry management improve conditions and give her more money, but to no avail. So she left her job one day in a fit of pique without even bothering to turn off … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-mangled-tale/
Bob Levi sent this version of an olde Texas Tale. Lowrie Beacham added the third line.
Speaking of Texans, I’m sure that you’ve heard the one about the three Texans walking across the Golden Gate Bridge around midnight. One of them decided that he had to urinate. Since it was dark, he wasn’t concerned that he’d be seen. His companions decided to join him.
As they were relieving themselves over the side of the bridge, one of the Texans turns … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-texas-tale/
This is an original by Bob Levi.
Everyone has heard the expression “Make Love, Not War” but few know how it originated. It seems that the adage lost something in the original translation from Russian.
In 1812 when Napoleon’s Army retreated from Russia, a Russian General was caught by his wife in the bed a beautiful French courtesan. He pleaded that his wife should forgive him by saying, “Making this whore is not love.” The wife shot him.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-a-bed-of-roses-can-turn-into-a-war-of-roses/
Lowrie Beacham sent me this lovely old story.
It seems that there were two brothers; one went to business school and became a banker, the other went to law school and became a lawyer. As will happen in some families, they drifted apart. So much so, that they completely lost touch with each other; neither knew the address or phone number of the other.
The banker did very well. He became vice president of a large eastern bank, which had … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-lawyer-and-the-elephant/
This is by Bob Levi. Thanks.
Yesterday I was out shopping with my wife and we stopped in a lingerie shop. While she was making some purchases, I got to thinking. The owners of the shop had to make sure that they ordered fresh merchandise, so I guess they had to keep abreast of the latest fashions. I looked around the store and saw smiles on the salesperson’s faces. To work in a lingerie store must be very uplifting.… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/what-victoria-knows/
By Alan B. Combs
In some economic climates, any job is a good job. Robert’s job was shoveling out the cattle corral at an Iowa feedlot. Now, this might not seem to be very desirable work, but it is honest, aerobic in nature (when you dare to breathe), and job security is good as long as people can afford to eat beef. Bob considered himself lucky to be employed.
However, there is a cycle to all things and a time … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/job-recommendation/
This tale is by Terry Morrison, author of “Mattress-ide and Other Grammatical Atrocities”
An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main. Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile.
The lone clerk regarded him with some trepidation.
“I want to speak to the manager,” he demanded.
“I’m sorry Sir, Mr. Mowbray isn’t in today. Is there anything I can help you with?”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-fine-print/
This is a new one from Bob Levi [boblevi@mindspring.com] who reports a friend sent it to him. Very excellent and thanks.
An Englishman is being shown around a Scottish hospital during the Great War. At the end of his visit, he is shown into a ward with a number of patients who show no obvious signs of injury.
He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims: “Fair fa’ yer sonsie face, Great chieftain e’ the … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bobbing-along/
From Bob Levi [boblevi@mindspring.com]
A member of a seventeenth century French military unit used to entertain the troops by performing slight of hand tricks and other feats of prestidigitation. His grand finale was to make himself disappear in a cloud of vapor.
This caused one of his compatriots to exclaim, “Amazing! . . . There he goes, puff, the magic dragoon!”… Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-magician-ii/
This is an ancient shaggy dog story that was recently posted on the Shaggydog listserv. I first heard it in grammar school as “The Coosh Maker”– same story, however.
There once was a sailor returning to his ship. Just as he approached the edge of the dock, he slipped and fell into the water between ship and dockside. As he hit the water, the ship began to swing toward the harbor wall, and he would have been crushed to death … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-gloop-makercoosh-maker/
From: Dr. Jake Katz via alt.callahans
I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day. Seems a water- garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck’s bed. They’ll pay in food, which is exactly what the cat likes best!
For each load delivered, the company will provide one … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/pungue-twister/
This is by pun master Stan Kegel.
Captain Horatio Hornblower has to rank among the most heroic of naval leaders. Many books have been written describing his adventures in the most minute detail.
My favorite Hornblower story took place early in his career, shortly after his appointment as the ship’s commander. He was traveling in the North Indian Ocean waters when suddenly a monsoon developed. For those of you who do not know what a monsoon is, it could have … Read the rest...
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-monsoon/