Dave Wallace submitted the following, so blame him.
That tinkling sound you hear is from my friend’s dog. She’s an on a mat a pee-er.… Read the rest...
All posts tagged Bathroom Humor
Hope Urine the Mood for a Potty Pun
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 22, 2018
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hope-urine-the-mood-for-a-potty-pun/
The Raisin Couldn’t Achieve Grapeness
Another submission from Mike Franklin.
There is a new wine available for seniors who have problems getting up often to urinate at night —
A single glass at night could mean a peaceful, uninterrupted nights sleep.
I kid you not…
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir, and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic.
It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on December 26, 2014
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/raisin-couldnt-achieve-grapeness/
These Puns are getting Hairy
Denny Adams asked this question.
How rich do you have to be to use real poo in your hair?… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on July 4, 2014
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/puns-getting-hairy/
404: Tile Not Found
This little pun was submitted by Mike Frankly. It is just… awful…
I accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble tiles…I don’t know what to do.
My next bowel movement could spell disaster.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on July 3, 2014
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/404-tile-found/
Have a Ball
Another submission from the prolific Denny Adams.
Walgreens was having a sale on my favorite deodorant last week. I couldn’t find any on the shelves, so I asked the lady at the sales counter.
She said, “We have it; it’s here behind the counter. Would you like the ball type?”
I said, “No, thanks. I just want it for my underarms.”… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on January 2, 2014
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ball/
A Pore Excuse for a Pun
Here’s a two-fer from Denny Adams.
There is a new mens “personal” deodorant on the market called “Umpire” It’s for foul balls.
Another one inspired by NASCAR is called “Pit Stop”… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on November 15, 2013
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-pore-excuse-for-a-pun/
A Daffynition
Dennis Adams sends in this little gem.
If a fart is profane gas, then diarrhea is liquid profane.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on August 15, 2013
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-daffynition/
Hoof in Mouth Disease
John Sugg submitted the following fragrant pun.
In honor of International Hoof Care Week I would like to bring to light a new farrier/artist name Ed Smith. He developed the art of carving intricate patterns in the tops of horse hooves. He is much talked about in cowboy circles. Around many a campfire you hear exclamations about Hoof Art Ed!… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on February 6, 2013
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/hoof-in-mouth-disease/
Christmas Unnerving
This Holiday poem is by my Dad, Alan B. Combs.
Posted by Brian P. Combs on November 27, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/christmas-unnerving/
Shaggy Palm Story
This little story is from Dave Wallace.
I’ve had a rotten week, mostly, as I’ve had a nasty digestive condition which caused sudden, unplanned dashes to the bathroom. So I kept in close range and even moved some furniture around so as to have unimpeded access. Girl Next Door (GND) whispered a palliative in my ear & even drove to the pharmacy to get the needed tubing and stuff for me. So, twice a day, I did the simple procedure, … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 6, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shaggy-palm-story/
Borborygmus
Borborygmus — an educational limerick.
I sat with the Duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal,
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!
… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 9, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/borborygmus/
Shakes Hands with the Head of the Household
This shaggy story was submitted by Dave Wallace. In his email, he said he should feel sorry for it, but I don’t think he is.
Little Tommy stomped loudly into the kitchen & yelled at the top of his voice “GOTTA PISS!”. Arthur Sydney’s mother, Arthur Sydney, and Little Susie (with eyes like saucers) were agog at Little Tommie’s language. “LITTLE TOMMIE”, yelled Sydney’s mother, “YOU MUST NEVER SAY THAT WORD
AGAIN!”
Well, Little Tommy, and Little Susie went on … Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on April 1, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/shakes-hands-with-the-head-of-the-household/
A Shaggy Path
This little gem comes from Dave Wallace.
At my house there is a shallow alcove in the back patio which the local outdoor cats use for marking the fact that they passed through in the night. When I let my cats out in the early morning, their first order of business is running to see who sniffs pissing in the bight.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on March 6, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-shaggy-path/
Kinetic Miasma Action
Saw this one online. It’s certainly timely.
I went into the gas station and asked for five dollars worth of gas. The clerk took my money, farted, and gave me a receipt.… Read the rest...
Posted by Brian P. Combs on March 30, 2011
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/kinetic-miasma-action/
Not in Kansas, Anymore, ….
Posted by Brian P. Combs on January 13, 2011
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/not-in-kansas-anymore/
Texting for Seniors
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Why are these things seemingly so pertinent these days?
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Seniors’ Texting Code). If you qualify for Senior Discounts, this is the code for you!
SENIOR TEXTING CODE
… Read the rest...AFT: Another Funeral Today
ATD: At the Doctor’s
B2N: Bingo Tonight?
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring the Wheelchair
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
CBM:
Posted by Alan B. Combs on December 29, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/texting-for-seniors/
Owl’s Well That Ends Well!
This was posted by Jerry Ulett on the groaners listserv.
One warm afternoon an owl was flying around and needed to rest so he purchased on a window sill. As luck would have it, it was the open window of a hospital where an operation was in progress and the owl got a whiff of the anesthetic, causing him to fall into the building and onto the floor.
The surgery had just ended and the doctor, hearing the sound of … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 25, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/owls-well-that-ends-well/
West Point
This is a pun cascade from many of the folks at P.U.N.Y.
From our vantage overlooking the Hudson at West Point, we could see, near the top of a hill on the other side, a castle [purportedly] used in the filming of The Wizard of Oz, complete with a moat. Apparently it won’t be used in future productions. It’s been demoated.
Bob Dvorak
If the castle is not being used, we should consider the ditch around it to be moot.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 8, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/west-point/
A Serious Problem!
We have to stop cutting down trees. This is getting serious.
Posted by Brian P. Combs on September 28, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-serious-problem/
Understanding Geriatric Text Messaging
This is from the groaners listserv. As far as I know (AFAIK), these have not yet entered the lexicon, but they do seem so useful and appropriate. I do not know what a Lemon Party is, by the way (BTW). Please, don’t tell me.
DYRS = Do You Remember Sex?
MWIIACWC = My Wife Is In A Coma, Wanna Cyber?
TVKI = The Viagra’s Kicking In
ITAC = Is This A Computer?
GoL = Grandchild on Lap
N911 = Nurse … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 29, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/understanding-geriatric-text-messaging/
Video: O. Henry Pun-Off, Satya Manz
Satya Manz gives an ode to poop for his Punniest of Show entry at the 2010 O. Henry Pun-Off.
Posted by Brian P. Combs on May 26, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/video-o-henry-pun-off-satya-manz/
New Inventions by Blondes
This is a list of inventions by blondes. It was found on the Jokes Galore website. It’s not canonical, but it’s a good start.
… Read the rest...Water-proof towels
Glow in the dark sunglasses
Solar powered flashlights
Submarine screen doors
A book on how to read
Inflatable dart boards
A dictionary index
Powdered water
Pedal powered wheel chairs
Water proof tea bags
Watermelon seed sorter
Zero proof alchohol
Reusable ice cubes
See through toilet tissue
Skinless bananas
Do it yourself roadmaps
Helicopter ejector
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 15, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-inventions-by-blondes/
Studying Bathrooms and Loos
By Alan B. Combs
It seems to me it take a lot of status to aspire to this job. In fact, one should be the head scientist.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 25, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/studying-bathrooms-and-loos/
More about Farts….
Uncredited, it must be from the groaners listserv.
… Read the rest...A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloudA fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song…..A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent, and deadly.A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while……
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 23, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/more-about-farts/
feghoots pa
From the archives, a commentary on the Feghoot genera of tales by Dean Day.
feghoots pa said “boy…
life is but a lie, as it were…
it builds green trees to ease our eyes
and draws us under them.
then, while we are resting in the shade
and we breathe in to say
“ah, god, how beautiful”…
that’s when the bird on the branch
lets go his droppings
and hits us on the head.”
feghoot’s thoughts, upon release,
can only … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 23, 2009
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/feghoots-pa/