All posts tagged Academia

Entries about the university or most any sort of learning.

The English Paper

This is from Dave Coble and was published on the Groaners listserv.


To conclude the course’s segment on science fiction, the teacher assigned the class a paper on any topic they wished having to do with science fiction. The next week, after the papers had been turned in, the professor was grading them and came across this paper:

There once was an Israeli border guard named Isaac. Across the border from Isaac, Abdul, an Arab border guard, had his post. … Read the rest...

Spiritual Star Trek

This is an original by Bob Levi.


I once heard about an American professor who went on an extended sabbatical. He took leave from his teaching duties to do some research at a university in Glasgow. Being someone who liked his nightly pick-me-up, he went to the local pub, the Ram and Tam, when he arrived. He was disappointed to find that the publican, Angus McTavish, did not stock his favorite beverage, Jim Beam bourbon.

Night after night, McTavish attempted … Read the rest...

Dreaming in the Fifties

By Bob Levi.


How many of us remember our high school days during those simpler times of the early 1950s? Do you recall the schools mandating that girls had to wear only skirts or dresses to class? No pants allowed! (Considered too unladylike in those days.) The only time that the dress code was relaxed was on “Slob Day” when the girls didn’t have to wear skirts or dresses and could wear pants. Of course, outside of school, they could … Read the rest...

Getting Down

Bob Levi sent this short groaner.


Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack, a slow learner, raised his hand to participate during the challenge of making a sentence with the words “Defeat,” “Defense,” “Deduct,” and “Detail.”

Jack stood thinking for a while, all eyes focused on him while his classmates awaited his reply. Smiling, he then proudly shouted out, “Defeat of deduct went over defense before … Read the rest...

The Physics Professor

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.


A physics professor at a state university in Michigan was famous for his animated lectures. He was short and thin with wild white hair and an excited expression. In lecture he would throw himself from the tops of desks and throw frisbees to students in the back row to illustrate various principles.

One day in class he was spinning on an office chair holding weights in each hand when he … Read the rest...

Poetic Justice?

This is by Sailor Jim on alt.callahans.


Sailor Jim wanders in, his usually devastatingly charming eyes red and watery.

“Sorry for my rather weepy appearance, but I was just attacked for the silliest of reasons. I had written a short poem and was reciting it to my dearest, while walking her to her car, when this woman leapt in front of us and started spritzing mace all about. Well, naturally, I stepped in front of Dian and took the brunt … Read the rest...

A Matter of Principle

From Norman Gilbert via The International Save The Pun Foundation [www.punpunpun.com]. This is by Bob Renaud and it is pretty shaggy.


In the waning years of the second millennium after the Pan-Terran War, the remnants of humanity had divided into two classes. The Surfacers were a simple people, primarily farmers, herdsmen and nomadic traders, eking out marginal livings within the monarchies that had evolved from the rule of the strongest. Within the vast network of caverns and tunnels that had … Read the rest...

Shaggy Hygiene

I received this from Alyn George [ageorge@baan.nl]. Very nice, and thanks.


Little Amy came home from school one Wednesday afternoon with a note from her teacher:

“Amy’s a little distraught as we discovered an outbreak of nits in the school and had to call in the local clinic to treat the children. Please, understand that Amy hasn’t been singled out, all the children underwent the same procedure – we had to nip this in the bud.”

The following morning, Amy … Read the rest...

Some Don’t Like Physics, Either

This tale was written by Stan Kegel. It was sent by Bevjoe and was posted on the Godshome listserv.


A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form.

A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says “Here’s a pill for English literature.” The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

“What else do you have?” … Read the rest...

College

This was posted on the groaners listserv and is from the Punster. It is a take off on the Bulwer-Lytton story so favored by Snoopy.


A college student faced a rather bleak evening with nothing to do and nobody to do it with.

He began going from residence hall to residence hall to see what was going on. No luck!

He returned to his room and sat down to make an entry into his journal. He began, . . . … Read the rest...

Study Help

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.


An individual who completes a two or three year course of study in a nursing school still must pass the state examination in order to become a Registered Nurse. A nursing school in the midwest became concerned about helping students prepare for exams so they would be more likely to earn scores high enough to pass the tests. One of the instructors came up with an idea that was adopted.… Read the rest...

Ever Onward; a Toxicological Tale

by Alan B. Combs


Alan once again steps forward from the shadows in Callahans where he has been drinking a Samuel Smith Imperial Stout. He gestures to Alamus to come on over.

“Very few folks commented on my terrible $$Alan’s Make Money Fast$$ pun posted a week or so ago. I suspect two reasons, my lad, either there are many automatic kill files keyed to dollar signs, or the thing just wasn’t funny. What do you think, Alamus?”

Alamus knows … Read the rest...

Darius the Mede

Once there was a conference of scholars investigating ancient history. They were considering the nationality of King Darius, mentioned in the Bible as Darius the Mede. Some of those present took the different view that Darius was actually from Persia. Tempers began to flare, until one wise professor said, “Let’s not argue this! After all, one man’s Mede is another man’s Persian.”… Read the rest...

The Ten Best Stressed Puns of 1986

Puns voted by the members of the International Save the Pun Foundation to be the ten best stressed puns posted in the Pundit’s pages in 1986.


A family of high-class potatoes was able to send their daughter to college. A few months later, however, she came home and announced that she was quitting college to get married. Very upset, the parents demanded to know who the man was.

When the girl told them she was in love with a famous … Read the rest...