All posts tagged Academia

Entries about the university or most any sort of learning.

Academic Tipping Guidelines

This was sent to me by Howell Gwin of Lamar University. It probably is universally applicable.


ACADEMIC TIPPING GUIDELINES

Steven A. Hughes           Vicksburg, Mississippi

ABSTRACT

Tipping is an essential component of every graduate student’s education, yet many students either fail to recognize the importance of academic tipping or they are uncertain of prevailing tipping conventions at the graduate level. This paper sets forth a standard of academic tipping protocol suitable for use at most highly-ranked graduate research institutions in the … Read the rest...

Tenure

This tale of academic success was posted on the groaners listserve. The author is Stan Kegel.


It had been a horrible week for Henry. An entomologist at the local university, he was up for a promotion this year. With the promotion would come tenure. But there was a problem. It was not that he couldn’t teach. His Biology 210 classes were always packed and two years ago he was honored by the undergraduates by being named their favorite teacher. No, … Read the rest...

The Professors

This is from Gilbert Krebs. Do you know any professors like these? Nah, I didn’t think so.


There was a group of college professors who liked to go around discounting established theories.

“The earth is flat!” said one.

“Elvis is not dead!” said another.

“Pi is greater than four!”

“War would not exist if we would just eat right!”

When the president of their university was asked why he kept renewing their tenure, he replied, “They may cost a lot, … Read the rest...

The Math Exam

This was sent to us by HWILTC. He says, “I thought of this Feghoot yesterday when I saw a car with a [related] vanity plate. It’s original to me, but I’m old enough to have read the Fegoot stories when they were new. I may have let someone else’s joke fester in the slimy grey cells of my mind long enough that I’ve forgotten when I first heard it.”


The high school math student looked at the final exam in … Read the rest...

Astronomy

This was posted on the groaners listserv. It is by Himie Koshevoy.


To celebrate Canada’s Centennial year of 1967, Vancouver, British Columbia, built a magnificent planetarium that has played to standing room audiences since it opened. Many of its visitors are students of secondary schools, and one school decided to produce a play wherein the student players would enact the roles of heavenly bodies. The teacher who had written the play, chose her cast and awarded the roles to those … Read the rest...

The Abacus

By Alan B. Combs


One of my students wanted to take an abacus to an accounting exam. He was unpracticed, but he did know that the Japanese do extraordinarily well with such instruments.

I told him that I thought it didn’t add up.… Read the rest...

Attitudinal Adjustment

By Alan B. Combs


During my many semesters at the College, I have had ample opportunity to listen to student problems and to give sound advice. One of the best examples occurred recently when a student asked me what is the best physical position in which to study. I told her that it doesn’t matter much, but she should make every effort not to study lying face down. In that position she would be prone to make mistakes.… Read the rest...

Walking to School

This was posted on the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.


Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school a couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the big boys. … Read the rest...

Geek Joke of the Rings

This is another tale from Andy Skinner who tells us, “Another geek joke, this one from a computer networking class.”


The professor was speaking on some aspect of computer networking, and gave an example of a user named Bilbo Baggins. I asked whether the system he was explaining would work well on a *Tolkien Ring.


*You have to know that a token ring is a kind of computer network.… Read the rest...

Attesting

This was posted by Megan Waves on alt.humor.puns.


We walked into the classroom, a test paper was waiting for us on on the desk. The question were:

#1 — What is the best selling genre of music in North America?
#2 — List the ingredients of Coca Cola.
#3 — Describe Archimedes father.

So, I’m thinking to myself, “Man, I hate these pop quizzes!”… Read the rest...

Mini-Tox Lesson

By Alan B. Combs

These things seem to write themselves, given the wonderful help that I get.


Today was the last day of my toxicology class and I brought an article from the NY Times on-line about a potential new filler material for breast implants. We have been looking at, excuse me, studying, excuse me, I don’t have a good word, such implants all semester because of the clear sociological and toxicological inferences that can be drawn. We do very … Read the rest...

Misunderstood…

This is from Bob Levi. It could as well have been an Aggie tale.


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; … Read the rest...

Another Administrator Story

I thank Jerry Born for this lovely old tale.


It seems that there were two University administrators who went hunting and fishing in Alaska. They flew into Fairbanks and looked for a floatplane to fly them further into the interior, to a special lake where the hunting and fishing were said to be excellent.

They could not find anyone willing to fly into the selected lake, as it was small with many snags and rocks. They finally found a pilot … Read the rest...

School Daze

This is by Chris Cole.


We’ve all heard more than our share about Tarzan and Jane. Cheetah, however, rarely makes the news. He seems to always be in the background, except when some kind of comic relief is called for. Then, he rises to the occasion. Actually, this is really quite remarkable, considering his lack of formal thespian training. Even after the fame of numerous movies and TV series, Tarzan and Jane tried repeatedly to enroll their little chimp in … Read the rest...

The High School Science Club

This was sent to us by Rich Bently. Thank you, Rich.


A member of the high school science club learned hypnosis, and wanted to share his new skill with his friends, so he taught another member, and she taught another, and so on.

This became known as trancing geek to geek.… Read the rest...

The Poetry Contest

This rude toy is one I remember from high school, or earlier. The reference to rednecks appears to be a modern embellishment.


The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.

The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem … Read the rest...

Sven, The Lazy Yodeler

By rosecatt


Sven, a rather lazy Swiss college student, was having trouble satisfying graduation credit requirements at Alpine University.

Skipping class yet again to wander around on the lower edge of a pretty small mountain (for he had not the inclination to climb very high, as usual) he happened to hear an accomplished yodeler sending out a terrific rendition of an old Alpine Yodeling Song which went something like “Yodel-eee-ooooo delllllll-teeee-ooooo del-tee-ooooooooooo yo del-teeeeeee ooooooooooooo”. It reverberated nicely, especially the … Read the rest...

Alice and the Mock Turtle

This pun is by Lewis Carroll.


“And how many hours a day did you do lessons?” said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.

“Ten hours the first ‘day,,” said the Mock Turtle. “Nine the next., and so on.

“What a curious plan!” exclaimed Alice.

“That’s the reason they’re called lessons,” the Gryphon remarked. “Because they lessen from day to day.”… Read the rest...

Lamentations for a Fall Semester

By Alan B. Combs


I say this every Fall, but every Fall it is true. I have never had a busier time. With regular lectures, guest lectures all over campus, laboratories, and the coordination of these activities, I am running around, exhausted.

Truly, this semester, I am going hither, thither, and yawn.… Read the rest...

A Good Sign

By “Louis Strauss” [albinofred@hotmail.com]


I’ve recently been taking an American Sign Language Course. The other day, the teacher was telling us how over the past 100 years or so, the language has evolved. It was then that I realized that indeed, the signs they are a’ changing.… Read the rest...

Longhorn Lament

By Alan B. Combs


As a college professor, I can stand back and watch the changes in education as they occur. In some respects, things are better, and in others not so good. With respect to expenses, everything is more costly. Here at The University, the home of the Illustrious Longhorns, even as we stay inexpensive in a relative sense, the cost is creeping up. It is creeping up even as you read this tale. Daily we hear the story … Read the rest...

We Are the World

This story is by Jonathan Delaney. I like this pun, though it might take a stamp collector to get it.


As part of a world awareness project at school, the kids were asked to come dressed as people of all nations. This produced a colourful pageant. Well all except for one little boy, all he had was a book on parenthood for beginners, and a pair of kosher bread rolls. When the teacher asked him what country he represented. He … Read the rest...

A Tribute to Higher Education

This sad, rude tail is VERY old, one of those I cannot help but remember from my misspent youth.


Once upon a time, a young man went to the circus. He was very excited, as he lived in western Manitoba, the kind of town where you shave and the trolley stops, and had never seen a circus before. Anyway, as the circus days drew near, the young man grew ever more excited. He arrived before dawn to get the best … Read the rest...

Raising Caine in the Schoolyard

This is by Charlotte Herzele [herzele@mail.utexas.edu]. Bravo.


A gang of micelets are playing in the school yard. They are choosing up sides to play kickball. One mousie never gets chosen. I mean, he never gets picked. Of course, the teacher notices. She observes but she can’t put her finger on the problem. She finally decides to intervene. She demands to know why he never gets chosen (to play in any reindeer games).

The mice are reluctant, but finally one speaks … Read the rest...

A Shaggy Tale of Two Cities

By Alan B. Combs with advice and consent from Pun Mistress, Ms. Scarlett O’Herzele.


One might expect that cities that are geographically close to one another would be either very friendly and cooperative, or very hostile and competitive. For the two French Canadian Cities Gayle and Geaux, it was the latter. Now you purists might claim these cities don’t exist. Reading between the lines, however, and for the sake of this tale, they do, they do. Just take my word … Read the rest...