These puns are stolen from various spots all over the internet. Most of them are older than the internet itself.

The compilation is mine…

They say all are welcome to worship, but even the Catholic Church has to have some standards. One Sunday morning, Father Bohr was having a hard time keeping undesirables out.

First was Dr. Schrodinger and his cat. The priest said, “You can’t bring that cat in here. It looks half dead!”

An electron, a proton and a neutron came up to Father Bohr and asked how much their indulgences would cost. The priest said that it was going to be expensive for the electron, because he is so negative. The fee would be normal for the proton, but with the neutron, of course, there was no charge.

Then Father Bohr had to throw out a man who believed in the heat death of the Universe. They didn’t want any Kelvinists.

He wouldn’t allow electricity in as he knew it couldn’t conduct itself.

After the sanctuary was full, a small furry mammal arrived. The priest told him, “Sorry, our occupancy is only 6.02*10^20. We can’t hold a mole.”

The last to arrive was Higgs Boson. The priest didn’t notice him at first, but caught up with him before he could sit in a pew. “I’m sorry. We don’t allow your kind here.”

Higgs Boson replied, “But without me, you have no mass!”