Rules for Women

This companion-piece for the Rules for Men posting was posted on the groaners listserv.

The Franklin Factor:

Early to bed and early to rise means it’s time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race:

If there’s one rat in a room full of nice men, he’ll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription:

Don’t wear your glasses on a blind date.
You’ll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule:

A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call:

Never pick up the phone on Saturday night.
It’s a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast:

They say there are lots of good fish in the sea.
But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis:

Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The Rope Trick:

Give a man enough rope and he’ll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter:

No one ever falls in love with another person’s mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder:

The faster way to discover all your bad habits is to move in with your lover.

The Unintended Result:

1) Men’s desire for sex sometimes results in intimacy;
1a) Men often go looking for sex and end up finding love;

2) Women’s desire for intimacy often results in sex;
2a) Women often go looking for love and end up finding only sex.

The Rabbit Rule:

Only newlyweds and liars make love every day.

The Dangle Doctrine:

You can’t keep a good man down.

Twain’s Truth:

Familiarity breeds children.

The Fertility Factor:

Women are only fertile a few days each month… unless they’re single.

The Preparation Predicament:

The longer you spend in the bathroom preparing for sex,
the more likely he’s fallen asleep by the time you’re ready.

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