Punoff 2003 First Place — Carlotta Stankiewicz

Earning First Place in Punniest of Show in the 2003 O Henry International Punoffs, Carlotta Stankiewicz came on stage dressed as “M&M, the Candy Wrapper” and did her routine in rap rhythm.

She was the clear winner to the judges, the audience, and all her competitors. Here is the text of her routine.


Yo! Yo!
Hey, look at me
It’s gonna he
Like taking candy from a BABY RUTH
That’s the truth!

Cause this 0. HENRY BARd’s gonna LICK these SUCKERS
While the crowd SNICKERS and CHUCKLES.
My puns are GOOD N PLENTY;
That’s what I MINT, see!
Just watch as this TOOTSIE ROLLS with the punches
And NESTLE CRUNCHES her competition.

JUJUBE saying, Look at her, she’s RED HOTS!
Nothing can GOBSTOPPER!
Watch her WHOPPER opponents!
Look at HERSHEY BARS their way
With wordplay.

You’ll see what I mean;
I’ll have ’em PRALINE for mercy.

Just CHOCOLATE up to experience;
Ain’t gonna FUDGE a bit,
Ain’t gonna budge a bit
Till your JAWBREAKERS open and
Your GUMDROPS out and you shout
That’s one witty CHICLET who treats us to her TWIX
While she PIXY STIX it to the others.

Yo! Hate to burst your BUIBBLEGIJM, ya DUM-DUMs,
But the time has come
To see this STARBURST upon the scene.
Wanna beat me? BUTTERFINGER out a way.
Better get a LIFESAVER, all you MILK DUDS & GOOBERS.

You’re in for MOUNDS of TRUFFLE,
Cause SUGAR, in the end,
It’s M&M they all clap fer

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