Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Pun on the Fourth of July

Category: Rated G

This is by a new punster, Bob Welch. The lad may just have the touch.


A fellow and his wife in Muskogee, Oklahoma, where the people are all patriots, were blessed with the birth of twins, two identical girls. These twins were born on the 4th of July, and the father, being patriotic, said to his wife, “We will name them Liberty and Justice, after the pledge of alligence”.

His wife said, “Are you nuts? You can’t have girls going through life with names like Liberty and Justice. We are going to name them regular girl’s names like Mary or Jane”. Well, the argument went on for about a month, when a compromise was reached. They would each name one of the girls. The man chose Liberty and the wife picked Elizabeth.

As the girls grew, they were so identical, they kept pulling tricks on people who couldn’t tell them apart. Finally, when they were about 18, a young man took interest in them. He would take one out on a date but he was never sure which one he was with. He decided he would marry one of them, or both if he could get away with it, but he wasn’t sure which one he would marry, if he could only get one.

He went to the girls father and explained his quandry. “I love your daughters and want to marry one of them, but I can’t tell them apart, so I will leave it up to you”. “Give me Liberty or give me Beth”.

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