From the groaners listserv. Assuming there is a season next year, the following is likely to happen.

The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the teams rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced yesterday its name changes for the upcoming season, as well as the first week’s schedule that includes:

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very Tall People on opening day.

Other key games include the Dallas Western- Style Laborers hosting the St. Louis Wild Endangered Species, and the Minnesota Plundering Norsemen taking on the Green Bay Meat Industry Workers.

There are several key match ups, highlighted by the show down between the San Francisco Precious Metal Enthusiasts and the New Orleans Pretty Good People.

The Atlanta Birds of Prey will play host to the Philadelphia Birds of Prey, while the Seattle Birds of Prey will visit the Phoenix Male Finches.

The Monday night game will pit the Miami Pelagic Percoid Food Fishes against the Denver Untamed Beasts of Burden.

The Cincinnati Large Carnivorous Mammals from Bangladesh will travel to Tampa Bay for a clash with the West Indies Free Booters.

And the Detroit Large Carnivorous Cats will play the Chicago Large Mountain Mammals

Also featured, are the Indianapolis Young Male Horses at the New England Zealous Lovers of Country.