Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Poetry Contest

Category: Rated G

This was sent to us by Matthew A. Givens [matthewg@med-solution.com].


For many years, Pierre was universally proclaimed to be the best poet in the world. He relished this, and basked in the adoration bestowed upon him by an adoring public. But this all ended when Antonio appeared. This new poet took the world by storm, and debate raged hotly as to who was the best poet: Pierre or Antonio. Finally, they decided to settle it with a direct competition.

The rules were rigidly fixed. Each poet would be presented with a particular topic, and he must produce a poem within 24-hours. The contest began, the topic was selected, and each poet produced what he loudly proclaimed as his best work.

The judges failed to choose a winner, ruling that the poems were too close in quality.

Other contests were held, with different rules and requirements, exotic locations, and even demanding physical exertion prior to or during the poem’s creation. In this way, they hoped to discover the limits of each poet, and in so discovering also agree on which poet was better.

All attempts failed: all resulted in ties.

Finally, they decided to remove most of the rules and see what happened. Each poet would go to a nice beach, sit and watch people for the length of time required to get a decent tan, and then retire and create a poem about his experience that day.

Pierre went to the beach and began busily observing. Several poem ideas occurred to him, but, in strict accordance with the rules, he set them aside until the time limit expired. Finally, he was sufficiently tanned that he retired to his room and sat down to pen yet another masterpiece poem.

And couldn’t think of a thing to write. He tried all night, desperately attempting to come up with some idea, some artistic creation, to submit against Antonio. He failed, and in so failing relinquished his title as the greatest living poet.

Which just goes to prove that rhyme waits for no tan.

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