Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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Poetic Justice

Category: alt.humor.puns, Rated G

This is by Don Kirkman who posted it on alt.humor.puns. Thanks.


Lovely Ophelia Payne, a warm hearted young lady, joined other like souls in visiting inmates of the local prison. As her visits continued she realized that one inmate in particular, Larsen E. Rapp, showed a sensitivity that she had rarely seen in a man. She came to understand that he spent long hours in the prison library, soaking up the best of American and English literature, and particularly the works of the poets.

Without either being quite fully aware of it, a warm relationship began to slowly develop between them. The intensity grew as he began reciting poems for her during her visits, poems that expressed his deep feelings for her. Finally a day came when he dared speak openly what he had been carrying in his heart for months.

She was reluctant to give her heart to him, but he persisted. “The course of true love never did run smooth,” he quoted. “Shakespeare was a wise man, and a student of the human heart,” said Ophelia, “but I can see no way for us to be together.”

But the Bard also said “Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments,” Larsen responded, “so surely our love will find a way.”

“Oh, my darling Larsen, how I wish that were true for us, but it simply cannot be. You must serve another twenty years in this durance vile before you can be released and we can join our lives together.”

“Oh, Ophelia, say it not. As another wise poet wrote, ‘Stone walls do not a prison make, nor iron bars a cage.’ Say you will be mine.”

“Larsen, my love, I wish it could be, but I simply cannot enter into a Lovelace marriage.”

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