This venerable tale is from the groaners listserv. The author is unknown.
Old Ted had been at the bar since the pub opened, downing pint after pint. As he watched the band manhandle their speakers onto the small platform that served for a stage, he swore quietly to himself. Bloody musicians. Why did the landlord have to put this racket on every week? Couldn’t a man drown his sorrows in peace of a Friday.
Though to be fair, he thought, … Read the rest...
Benny worked at the Fahrvergnugen Museum, and his job was to keep all of the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him.
“Master,” the genie began, “I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition … Read the rest...
This tale of loss and rescue is by Reginald Bretnor writing under the anagramatic name of Grendel Briarton.
It was Ferdinand Feghoot who saved the Mulch Expedition on Rumjungle III in 3449. Because the planet’s intelligent race dreaded gadgets and hated all strangers, the Expedition could use only native equipment — semi-intelligent, specialized fauna the Rumjunglians carried in their carapace-pouches. Instead of a compass, they employed a stick-insect which pointed due North on command.
Two weeks out, with the nearest … Read the rest...
I found this on the internet the other day. Truly, it was the first such story that I learned in grammar school, my first shaggy dog (maybe, it’s not that old, after all). Since I cannot let old sleeping dogs lie, here it is.
An exotic animal collector finally was able to complete his collection with the acquisition of an juvenile member of a very unusual species called the Rarie. The animal looked like a furry, round ball, with feet … Read the rest...
Right after Queen Victoria visited the Canadian city named after her (Victoria, British Columbia, of course), she was asked if a housing development could be named in her honor — Victoria Mews.
The Queen replied “We can be a city in Canada, and We can be a falls in Africa, but We are NOT a mews!”… Read the rest...
A young man’s primary goal in life was to become a security guard at the local prison. After getting out of high school, the first thing he did was go to the prison and ask for an application, but he was told they weren’t hiring. Disappointed, he signed up for a stint in the Army, but not one week later he found a want ad in the newspaper saying “LOCAL PRISON NEEDS GUARDS.” Unable to break his Army commitment, he … Read the rest...
Himie Koshevoy has a version of this story in his “Treasure Jest of Best Puns.”
When Alexander The Great was waging war on the entire known world of his time, it chanced that he received a slight spear-wound on his wrist. Wrapping an old cloth around it, he continued the battle. After victory was his, one of his aides noticed that the dried blood on the rag around Alexander The Great’s wrist was lining up on it in such a … Read the rest...
This is by Alan B. Combs.
“Wry whimsy, wry whimsy,
Wry whimsy,” I cry.
“If I don’t get wry whimsy,
I surely will die.”… Read the rest...
An older version of the same story is given in “Himie Koshevoy’s Treasure Jest of Best Puns”, 1969.
Here is a story about the Frugal Gourmet’s recent visit to Europe last summer. He had a delightful time sampling the cusine in Italy, France and Germany , but he made the mistake of stopping off in London on the way home. Needless to say, he found English food bland and overcooked. However, one day he had a great meal of fish … Read the rest...
Farmer Jones had heard that the best milk comes from contented cows. Therefore, he’d visit them every morning and tell them jokes. The cows laughed and laughed, and they gave excellent milk. However, the news got around and no one else was much amused. Thus, his cows became the laughing stock of the community.… Read the rest...
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