Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive

Monster Tale (The Beast of London)

Category: Puns, Rated G, Shaggy Dogs

This is an olde tale. This updated and expanded version was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

. The Beast of London

By the 15th century, the Templar Knights had disappeared, but deep in the bowels of the British Museum in a case well sealed and protected lies a strange memorial to their impact on the city of London.

London of the early 12th century was on its way to becoming an impressive city, but its life and … Read the rest...

The Coal Miner

Category: Rated G

A news item this morning was about a local coal miner. It seems that his advocation was painting, but since he couldn’t afford to buy canvasses he simply painted on the wall of his small cottage. Unfortunately, a gang of youths broke into his cottage earlier this week and defaced his paintings. Yesterday the young miscreants were charged in court with having “corrupted the murals of a miner.”… Read the rest...

Wax Museum

Category: Rated G

The manager of the Wax Museum of Horrors called in his janitor, and told him that he would be fired if he didn’t do a better job of polishing the figures in the museum.

The janitor replied: “I am sorry, but I buffer ghouls badly.”… Read the rest...

Off the Coast of Newfoundland

Category: Rated G

Off the coast of Newfoundland, a great many fishermen do their fishing at night. They navigate solely by the light of the moon, scorning more sophisticated methods. Of course, from time to time this method fails, and shipwrecks are the result. The Department of Fisheries was reviewing statistics one day, and was shocked to discover how many shipwrecks there were during night fishing. When they discovered that the fishermen were navigating by the light of the moon, they promptly installed … Read the rest...


Category: Rated G

Yet, another shaggy dog with an endless lifespan.

Dr. Combs’ story reminded me about the time when a short spiritualist was hiding out from the law. The local news station reported that the police were looking for “a small medium at large.”… Read the rest...

Roy Rogers

Category: Rated G

This one is decades old and comes in various incarnations.

Many years ago, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans had a problem with a mountain lion. This lion had cost Roy and Dale a number of head of cattle, but what really got Roy’s attention was one night the big cat crept onto the front porch of their house and mangled Roy’s brand new cowboy boots, which had been left outside overnight. That was the final straw. Roy saddled up Trigger, … Read the rest...

Another Fishing Tale

Category: Rated G

The author of this little gem is not known.

Scotland is a great place for fishing — people travel from all over Britain to take part in the angling competitions held in Fifeshire. To keep the visiting fishermen entertained in the evenings, one of the hotels decided to stage a fish eating competition as well.

A dozen competitors sat at a long table with a supply of grilled fish fresh from the nearby river and their choice of tipple to … Read the rest...

Arthur’s Story

Category: Rated G

There once was a guy named Arthur Twiddle. He was your ordinary, homeless street bum, and everyone called him Artie. He found a cozy area to live next to this huge mansion. Although he lived in a cardboard box, he would gather the crumbs from the owner of the mansion for food. The owner’s name was Mrs. Ralphs.

Everything was fine up until Mrs. Ralphs decided to get a pet cat. Instead of throwing away food, she would feed it … Read the rest...

Anesthesia a la Bong

Category: Rated G

Chris Cole asks, “I can’t help but wonder if the following might be possible?”

A Prague anesthesiologist decided to stop using regular anesthetics, figuring lots of time was wasted while waiting for the patient to finally “go under”. Besides, the anesthetics were expensive. Instead, he just kept a large wooden mallet on his tray next to the surgery table. The mallet bore the following inscription — Rapid Czech-Out.… Read the rest...

Popular in Ministerial Circles

Category: Rated G

Bill was short of money and was out looking for a job. Paster Nelson offered Bill $500 to buy paint and paint the church. Bill went out, bought some paint and started painting the church.

He discovered that he was using more paint than he expected, so he added some thinner to the paint. The paint still covered, but not as well as it did at first. He continued to use more paint than he wanted, so he added still … Read the rest...