By Alan B. Combs with an addition by Howell Gwinn

For a long time, a certain public university has had people hired to the position of Student Advocate. This person is hired to represent students in their grievances and disputes with professors and the university.

In its wisdom, this University has recently decided that faculty members may also avail themselves of such an Advocate in their dealings with the university. This has occurred only because of the tireless efforts of faculty activists. More than anything else, this person functions to clean up lines of communication that have become contaminated by the disputes at hand.

The man currently serving in this position believes that a peaceable Buddist approach to conflict resolution is often the most successful. Sitting in the lotus position and chanting a simple mantra over and over again before face-to-face meetings seems to predispose the participants toward amicable outcomes. So far, he has been very successful, our new Faculty ooom-budsman.

Howell Gwin responded:

I nirvana heard of such a thing in my whole born days. Gautama face or I’ll banyan forever.

Tao, paisan!