Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


No Free Will

Category: Rated G

The Annual Bulwer-Lytton writing contest is based upon the much stolen beginning line by Snoopy, “It was a dark and stormy night…” The contest is run each year by the Department of English at San Jose State University. The award is given to the worst lead-in to a wretched story. This tale is by Brian Holmes.


“There is no free will,” said the old sage, “for you may not choose your parents, nor the hour of your birth, neither may you select the time and manner of your death, nor may you have any voice in what passes in between, although if you can afford a good plastic surgeon, you might be able to pick your nose.”

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