Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Nick Nolte

Category: Rated G

This was sent by rosecatt [rosecatt@webtv.net]. It is by her friend Fred who gives a pretty good critique on puns, as well. Thanks, y’all.


An aging Nick Nolte was trying to trim down for a new movie role which featured flashbacks to when his character was much younger.

He exercised, had a facial peel, dieted, ate nothing but health foods, and didn’t have a single drink for 6 months. At the end of that time he looked fabulous except for the varicose veins in his legs.

Since one of the scenes called for him to wear a bathing suit, it was decided that he would wear some kind of natural looking, flesh colored hose to hide this problem. They tried all kinds of thicknesses and even asked the opinion of the esteemed Dame Edith Evans , who was visiting the set.

She thought that the hose should be fairly thick to show a better shape to the calves, but the costume designer interjected and said, “I respectfully disagree. when it comes to the thickness, it should be …. sheer, sheer for Old Nolte, Dame.

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