Men Are Just Happier People

Our next chapter in the War Between the Sexes was sent by Shayne Gad.


> If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

> If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.


> When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

> When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.


> A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

> A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.


> A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

> The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


> A woman has the last word in any argument.

> Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


> A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.


> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

> A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.


> A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

> A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.


> Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

> Women somehow deteriorate during the night.


> Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

> A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.


A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same things!

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