Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


In Due Course

Category: Rated PG

An original from those golden synapses of Chris Cole.


Having recently returned from a foray deep into cannibal country, famed explorer Angus MacDonnegal was asked by a hometown newspaper reporter whatever became of his trusted companion and ever-present protege, Heathcliff.

Angus sighed and replied, “Well, there we were, standing in front of this fierce-looking cannibal tribe’s chief. Looking around at the band of imposing warriors all around us he asked me why I brought along such a seemingly frail-looking young man with me on such a perilous journey. I smiled, put my arm around Heathcliff and proudly said those fateful words…” Here Angus’ voice trailed off into soft sobs.

“Poor Heathcliff!” he groaned, dabbing his eyes with his handkerchief.

“I say,” said the reporter, “Whatever did you say that now seems so dreadful in retrospect?”

Angus composed himself and, with an ironic smile, said, “What do you suppose? I had the misfortune to tell the chieftain, ‘Well, he’s such a fine broth of a lad!’ And the next thing you know…” his voice trailed off.

“Pity,” noted the reporter.

“Quite,” nodded Angus.

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