From the groaners listserv.
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
His ghoul friend (Clynch Varnadore)
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite
Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
It had no body to dance with.
Whom did the ghost invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately
Why do witches think they’re funny?
Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.
What happened to the monster that took the five o’clock train home?
He had to give it back.
How can you send mail to skeletons
By bony express (Stan Kegel)
Why did Dracula break up with his sweetie?
She wasn’t his blood type.
Why couldn’t Dracula’s wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin (Gary Hallock)
Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
He did not have a haunting license.
How did the ghost repair his sheet?
With a pumpkin patch. (Clynch Varnadore)
Why aren’t there any famous skeletons?
They’re a bunch of no bodies.
What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich
Why did the doctor tell the zombie to get some rest?
He was dead on his feet.
How did Dracula introduce his wife before he married her?
This is my ghoul-fiend (Gary Hallock)
When does a skeleton laugh?
When something tickles his funny bone.
What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It’s a pain in the neck. (Gary Hallock)
What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Coffin Drops!
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash
When is it bad luck to see a black cat
When you’re a mouse.
What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat?
A washin’ warewolf
How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
By blood vessels
Whom did the zombie invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
Why don’t witches like to ride their brooms when they’re angry?
They’re afraid of flying off the handle! (Norman Gilbert)
Why did the vampire join the police force ?
So he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout. (Gary Hallock)