his was posted by Tom Smith, the Filker, on alt.callahans. This link is to his site.

“Perhaps you didn’t realize,” quoth Tom, “that, in my misspent youth, I was a tournament chess player. In fact, thanks to a mathematical quirk, I was officially a Master for… ohh, maybe twelve hours. The next day I lost the first two games in a long losing streak, and soon I was back where I should be.” He smiles both wryly and wistfully. “It’s been awhile.

“In the meantime, Milady should be cautious. Excessive consumption of peanuts could start Staunton your growth. I used to have a strong-willed Soviet, who’s now just a Petrosian — he started out as a Baer, but Morphy’d into a Karpov a sort never seen by any Fischer, man. He’s really just a ghost of his former self — the Kasparov the chess set.”