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Gamey Dice

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

This was posted a couple of years ago on alt.callahans by Lin Ka-Ming (aka Magus Firecow).


Magus Firecow, finally done with finals returns to AC, to deliver the following:

Milton Bradley, those famous board game makers were successful because they had supernatural help. You see, they were given two dice that contained the answers to all the questions one could possibly ask.

These powerful random number generators are kept in the little known, Super-natural Mystic Artifact Repository Tower – All-knowing Seer Section (or SMART-ASS). This tower is just about impenetrable, but there is of course an opening in its defenses. A crack in the SMART-ASS one might say.

One day these dice were stolen by two aspiring comedians. We’ll refer to one of these comedians as Al, and the taller one as Gary, but their real names will remain secret for legal/national security reasons. They stole the dice to get them to write material for them, but then they found out that the dice had minds of their own. It seemed that the dice refused to answer any of their questions, unless they could present a challenge that the dice could not solve. Al, being the brighter of the two found the no-lose solution to this by presenting their question as the challenge, so in if they lost the challenge to the dice, they would still get their answer. So the two aspiring comedians challenged the dice to tell them “what really makes people laugh.” Unfortunately, Al over-estimated the ability of the dice, which made many attempts at answering but each one was pitiful, even worse then Al’s jokes had been before the heist. The many attempts by the dice to answer the challenge are quite a collection of morbid tales: Milton’s pair of dice lost to Al + Gary’s define comedy.

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