Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Fred’s Train Trip

Category: Rated G

This is one of the latest by rosecatt, bless her heart.


My friend Fred is traveling by train this weekend and through dedicated research he discovered that Amtrak wants new business so badly that they are now offering some pretty cool amenities!

For instance – you can buy a train ticket that is customized to your particular lifestyle and/or entertainment preferences. If you are a music lover, you can travel on the Jazz Train or the Rock & Roll Train (they call that one Night Train in memory of Elvis and it is done completely in black velvet – it is 16 coaches long). If you like Chinese food AND coffee you can travel on the aptly named Orient Expresso Train (some of the trains cater to more than one pleasure).

In Fred’s case he is an enthusiastic Internet ‘chatter’. Believe it or not they have a train for that! He was delighted to find that he could buy a seat with it’s own computer terminal, mouse, lap tray for the keyboard, the works! “This is for me,” he exclaimed.

As it happens, the train was to be divided into two sections, the ‘chatting’ section, and (oh wow, Fred couldn’t believe his good fortune!) a section for nudists! So when Fred went to the station to begin his trip, he skipped happily alongside the tracks looking for his train, but there were so MANY trains! How could he find the one he wanted, the special train with the computer section and the (hopefully beautiful female) naked people?

Impatiently, even desperately he inquired politely of a uniformed young man — ‘Pardon me, boy, is that the Chatter-Nudie Choo Choo?”

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