Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Fanfare X2

Category: Rated G

This is by rosecatt who says, “I wrote the following pun and sent it along to my pal Fred for a critique. While he liked it, he added a terrific topper throwing the entire story into a new dimension. See Fred’s story below mine.”


I went to an event benefiting fans of auto racing last weekend. Some of these poor souls can hardly afford the rental space for their RV’s and motor homes while following the circuit every summer.

Not only that, think of the bratwurst and fried dough expense, the beer, the obligatory souvenirs for the kids saying ‘my folks went to the Daytona 500 and all I got was this lousy t-shirt’. It is sad to see some of these poor wretches forced to give up their skyboxes and trackside condos, relegated to the stands in the merciless sun.

My friend George took me. He is from Bensonhurst, I think, one of the original Bensons. At first I was a bit intimidated, especially when I saw all these flags and things saying #3, and he said to me ‘Are you really happy here with this lonely game we play?’ ‘No’, I admitted and I turned to my other friend Ernest and said ‘This is, Earn – heartbreaking’.

I was sort of searching for (but not finding) the way out of there. I tried to talk it over but the words got in the way. Thoughts of leaving dis place appeared, but I was afraid to tell George I was just too far away. I didn’t care anymore. I was tired of it all. I couldn’t find the bathrooms, I couldn’t find the beer stand, I couldn’t find the exit. I was….. Lost in a NASCAR Aid.


Fred’s story:

When Robert Guillaume was starring in his TV sitcom he used to attend the Daytona 500 annually. All the major drivers and sponsors were there.

One year they decided to shoot an episode of the show with the race as the backdrop, and the governor attending the race. The premise was an unscrupulous pit crew using higher octane gasoline than permitted to give their car an edge. In the show, the feds were alerted and planned to confront them right in “gasoline alley”.

As they swooped in to make the bust, the governor and Guillaume approached the chaotic scene where thousands of spectators gathered as well. The gov said, “By George, Benson, we are lost in a NASCAR raid.”

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