Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Crimean Punishment

Category: Rated G

Another synaptic sampling from Chris Cole


Captain Song Lohn Jilver of the Crimean Navy was about to punish a rather crude and rude sailor on deck. The Captain had the sailor tied to the mast and his shirt ripped off. Then the Captain proceeded to shout out, “You are a heel, sir! You are a boor, a cad, a dispicable person, a nasty lad, a low-life….” On and on went the Captain’s tirade as he paced about, arms wildly waving.

One of the newer Crimean officers discretely asked the First Mate what in the world was going on. The First Mate whispered back, “What else would you expect from a dyslexic, spoonerism-prone Captain? He’s just giving that rebellious sailor a well-deserved heel-calling!”

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