All posts in category Shaggy Puppy

Space Opera

This tale is from the Richard Lederer and Stan Kegel book mentioned below.

It’s a long, long time from now, and machines have developed into sentient beings. Starting with the high-tech space stuff, a whole new set of different mechanistic species have come into existence. The machines are not only sentient; they are alive in other ways as well. They even produce offspring and evolve.

At first, it was just the super high-tech orbiting stuff that achieved self-awareness, but soon … Read the rest...

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by on October 14, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 14, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/space-opera/

The Dead Horse Theory

This little bit of ancient wisdom was sent to us by Shayne Gad.

The tribal wisdom of the Lakota Sioux, passed on from generation to generation, says that when you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in government, Federal State and Local (including police, fire departments & education),Unions, large organizations and corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed:

1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Appointing a committee … Read the rest...

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by on August 17, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on August 17, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-dead-horse-theory/

Vignettes of When the Fight Started…

Thanks to Bill Pardue for this collection.

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s when the fight started……..

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, ‘Do … Read the rest...

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by on July 19, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 19, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/vignettes-of-when-the-fight-started/

Dessert at Canard Falls

This tale by Terry Morrison was published on the groaners listserv.

The annual Chefs’ Convention was the highlight of the year for the town of Canard Falls. Preparations for the big event began well in advance and nearly every one of ‘the Falls’ 9,326 inhabitants had a hand in it, even the children.

When the big day arrived, as it invariably did each year, it signalled the beginning of three full days of fun frivolity and feasting. People ate so … Read the rest...

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by on June 1, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 1, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dessert-at-canard-falls/

Ordeal of Sir Galahad

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.

When knighthood was in flower and power and young gallants wassailed around King Arthur’s round table, it was their wont to keep in practice by rescuing damsels from dragons and other beasts, human or otherwise.

When they has saved all the maidens worth saving, they went to seek other adventures such as heading east to find the Holy Grail.

Of all the incredible tales now told of those days, none … Read the rest...

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by on March 29, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on March 29, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/ordeal-of-sir-galahad/

An Amish Woman

This was published on the yahoogroups.com punsite by Anna Welander.

An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer
stopped her. “I’m not going to cite you,” said the officer. “I just wanted to warn you
that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be
dangerous.”

“I thank thee,” replied the Amish lady. “I shall have my husband repair it
as soon as I return home.”

“Also,” said the … Read the rest...

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by on February 23, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 23, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/an-amish-woman/

The Show Must Go On

This is by Terry Morrison.

Even though class was well underway, not a sound could be heard coming from the fifth floor classroom.

Inside, seven students practised their craft with uncanny precision, lifting huge panes of glass, bumping into unseen obstacles and walking, or more correctly, being walked by invisible dogs on just as invisible leashes.

Being a mime required countless hours of energy-sapping dedication as each tiny movement was repeated over and over to create the desired effect. They … Read the rest...

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by on February 21, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 21, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-show-must-go-on/

On Becoming a Teacher

There are many that will understand exactly what this tale from the groaners listserv is about.

Once there was a man named Nathan. He wanted very much to be a teacher. So he went to seek the advice of the wisest, most highly respected counselor in the land.

“Wise counselor,” Nathan began, “it has always been my dream to be a teacher. I want to stimulate the minds of the young people of our land. I want to lead them … Read the rest...

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by on February 21, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 21, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/on-becoming-a-teacher/

ChapStick

This tale of sudden awakenings comes from Bill Pardue.

We had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long on the mat in our bathroom. We have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years old, 3 years old and … Read the rest...

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by on February 20, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 20, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/chapstick/

The Lie Detector

This is from cousin Jo Ann Thomas. She has a pretty good run going.

John was a salesman’s delight when it came to buying any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change..

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, … Read the rest...

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by on February 9, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 9, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-lie-detector/

Rabbinical Students

This was posted by Anna Welander on puns@yahoogroups.com.

Two rabbinical students were caught by the Rabbi gambling and drinking in the company of undesirable characters before the sun set on the evening of the Sabbath. The Rabbi called them into his study the next day.

Both confessed to having given in to weakness, and admitted that they deserved punishment. The Rabbi thought and then went into his kitchen and brought back two bags of dried peas.

“Put these in your … Read the rest...

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by on January 22, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 22, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/rabbinical-students/

The Stick and the Stone

Posted on the groaners listserv.

The legend is told in India about a stick and a stone that were of some small service to a Hindu holy man. Out of gratitude he offered to transform them into any object they desired.

The solid stone wanted to be a strongbox or safe to hold the holy man’s sacred relics. The vain stick indicated it wanted to become a Hindu woman’s beautiful gown or sari.

Thus it came to pass: the stone … Read the rest...

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by on January 3, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 3, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-stick-and-the-stone/

Cosmetic Surgery

This quickie was prompted by a query from Stan Kegel.

Mary was a happy lamb, with fleece as white as snow. But as she got older, she became more and more depressed because of an increasingly objectionable cosmetic defect in her ears. They were becoming more and more Droopy (can you imagine dog-like ears?).

Finally, Mary discovered the way Doberman Pinschesr had their ears trained to stand up, instead of drooping. This treatment occasionally includes surgery and taping the ears … Read the rest...

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by on January 2, 2011  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 2, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/cosmetic-surgery/

Santa’s Stressful Christmas

Mel Lett sent me this tale a few years back. I have a file of stuff he sent me that will keep on giving for a long time.

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip… but there were problems everywhere.

Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being … Read the rest...

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by on December 23, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on December 23, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/santas-stressful-christmas/

A Christmas Dolly

This wonderful, almost seasonal article is from Cousin Jo Anne.

This is an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners. It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa  checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning,  … Read the rest...

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by on December 23, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on December 23, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-christmas-dolly/

The Crusading Nun

This ender tale of temperance was posted on the groaners listserv. It has the flavor of an old story, but I was not familiar with it.

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup.

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. … Read the rest...

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by on November 30, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 30, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-crusading-nun/

Should You Remarry After a Spouse’s Death?

This is from bro Tom Vickery. The whole concept makes me a little uneasy.

The older you are and the longer you have been married, the funnier this is.

Sheila and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning. I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually … Read the rest...

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by on November 30, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 30, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/should-you-remarry-after-a-spouses-death/

Corporate Planning

Another venerable tale from the groaners listserv.

The Corporate Plan

From the Book of Corporate Life. Chapter 1,   verses1-15:

1. In the beginning was the Plan.

2. And then came the Assumptions.

3. And the Assumptions were without form.

4. And the Plan was without Substance.

5. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.

6. And the Workers spoke among themselves saying, “It is a crock of  
shit and it stinks.”

7. And the Workers went unto their … Read the rest...

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by on November 14, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 14, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/corporate-planning/

A Great Irish Toast

This was sent to me a few years ago by Dick Brewer.

John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!”

That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.

He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.”

She said, “Aye, John, what was your toast?”

John Said, “Here’s to spending the rest … Read the rest...

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by on November 13, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 13, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-great-irish-toast/

Entering Paradise

This gentle tale of the war of the sexes comes from Bill Pardue.

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise,  God appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines: One line  for the men who were true heads of their household and the other line for  the men who were dominated by their women.

“Now, I want all the women to  report to St. Peter.” 

Soon, the women were gone, and there were … Read the rest...

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by on November 13, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 13, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/entering-paradise/

The Agent

From the groaners listserv.

A secret agent was sent to Ireland to pick up some very sensitive
information from an agent called Murphy. His instructions were to
walk around town using a code phrase until he met his fellow agent.
He found himself on a desolate country road and finally ran into a
farmer.

“Hello, said the agent, “I’m looking for a man called Murphy.”

“Well you’re in luck,” said the farmer, “as it happens, there’s a
village right over … Read the rest...

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by on November 8, 2010  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 8, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-agent/

The LeTourneau Wedding-Plan Tips

This helpful information for Cajun wedding planners comes from the groaners listserv.

The Top 18 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tips:

18Save honeymoon money by staying at Howard Johnson’s, where kids stay free!

17Be sure to bring a few Game Boys so the groomsmen don’t get bored during the ceremony.

16“Let’s see, there’s Mary Kay, her two kids, Vili’s adolescence … What’s blue? Wait — the prison guard’s uniform!”

15To ensure that guests of all ages have

… Read the rest...
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by on October 27, 2010  •  Permalink
Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Rated G, Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 27, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-letourneau-wedding-plan-tips/

The Death of Dracula

This rude little tale has been around. This version was on the groaners listserv.

Dracula dies and he went to the Pearly Gates to meet God. God refused to let Dracula in because of all the sins that he had done going around sucking blood & killing. “I’ll give you a chance to redeem your sins”, said God “I’ll send you back to earth, but not in a human form. You can be reincarnated into any other living thing of … Read the rest...

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by on October 27, 2010  •  Permalink
Posted in Adult Theme, Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Puns, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 27, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-death-of-dracula/

Halloween Humor in a Jugular Vein*

From the groaners listserv and from the book referenced below.

We all love to travel, and vampires, too, need their rest and relaxation. So Count Dracula went on a tour of Europe.

Having not had a meal since he’d left the homeland of Transylvania, he was very glad when a town constable knocked on his hotel door and asked the count to show him his passport. It didn’t take Dracula long to grab the policemen and suck every drop of … Read the rest...

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by on October 26, 2010  •  Permalink
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 26, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-humor-in-a-jugular-vein/

Owl’s Well That Ends Well!

This was posted by Jerry Ulett on the groaners listserv.

One warm afternoon an owl was flying around and needed to rest so he purchased on a window sill. As luck would have it, it was the open window of a hospital where an operation was in progress and the owl got a whiff of the anesthetic, causing him to fall into the building and onto the floor.

The surgery had just ended and the doctor, hearing the sound of … Read the rest...

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by on October 25, 2010  •  Permalink
Posted in Adult Theme, Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Puns, Shaggy Puppy
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 25, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/owls-well-that-ends-well/

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