All posts in category Limericks


Borborygmus — an educational limerick.

I sat with the Duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
     Her rumblings abdominal,
     Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!

Read the rest...

A Halloween Love Story

Published on the P.U.N.Y and the groaners listserv, this tender tale is by the incomparable punster Gary Hallock.

An ugly old minister, Hume
Too many dark peas did consume
     It killed him, that’s shown
     That’s why he’s now known
As preacher from the black legume

One night under bloody full moon
The time of the month made for woo’in
     Hume went on the prowl
     And heard his ghoul howl
And knew he cadaver real soon

Hume asked her “Would you

Read the rest...

A Mathematical Limerick

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Other mathematical limericks exist (see Google), but this is one of the most straightforward.

Can you figure out this mathematical limerick?


12 + 144 + 20 + (3 x √4)      + (5 X 11) =     92     +   0


It reads as follows:

A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
      Divided by seven
      Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared,
Read the rest...

Limerick Challenge No. 27

Cynthia MacGregor is the moderator for a punsters weekly limerick challenge. She says, “Your challenge for Lim-ber Your Mind #27 was: Write a limerick whose first line is:

“If happiness you are pursuing”

The entries:

If happiness you are pursuing,
Try to willing maid be a-wooing,
But hedge wedding bet,
A prenuptial get,
To help when ex-wife comes a-suing.

—-Chris Papa

If happiness you are pursuing
But your spouse has threatened her suing
Don’t run and hide
To choose a … Read the rest...

The Aardvark

A cascade from the limericks_n_haiku listserv with certain of the usual
suspects participating.

The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants

Guy Ben-Moshe


That’s aardvark but maybe you knew it
Eating ants, Oh dear me! I’d eschew it
I’d taste other critters
Who scampers and skitters
Termite be some reason to do it


The Aardvark loves his insect snack… Read the rest...

Don’t Surfer Fools

A limerick by punmaster Gary Hallock

A surfer dude in Frisco bay
Can’t mix his epoxy. He’ll say
“These instructions you see
Say to mix with ‘part-B’
But where can I find the ‘Part-A?'”… Read the rest...

A Wide Berth

By Gary Hallock who tells how it came to be.

She knew that to stress out, unwise is
But pregnant mom swelled up five sizes
Which was a bit crippling
So she called her sibling:
The birth of the first midwife cry, “Sis!”… Read the rest...

Elevator Problem (An Adult Limerick Cascade)

The following is a limerick cascade from the limericks and haiku listserv.

A problem seems always to hound us.
In the elevator, there to confound us.
So, how can this be?
It’s not me, you see!
Just why does that flatus surround us?

Alan B. Combs

You’ve clearly not run out of gas.
My nose knows the difference, alas.
I won’t make a comment.
I’ll try not to vomit.
I guess that I’ll just let it pass.

Cyn MacGregor

Young … Read the rest...

Lord of the Wringer Limerick

From the endlessly creative Bob Dvorak.

At ShopRite the tongues were a-waggin,
Thought Bill’ Boy was in the back, shaggin’.
But all the girls loose,
Were still in Pro-Duce,
At Checkout they found Bill’ Bo’ baggin’.… Read the rest...

A Halloween Wedding

By Alan B. Combs. This was written for Ms. Scarlett whose daughter got married on October 31, 2004.

T’was a merrie young lassie, Mimosa,
Blessed child of a Family Famosa,
      Who let it be said,
      “On THIS day I wed!
Let’s honor old Bela Lugosa.”… Read the rest...

Lecherous Leprechaun

A St. Patrick’s Day Limerick with a ripping pun in the middle? Only by Gary Hallock.

A horny young leprechaun lad
Craved sex and he wanted some bad
Saw Erin go bra-less
He cried “Oh ga-ga, Yes!
But still came up short, which is sad… Read the rest...

Halloween Limerick

This is by Clynch Varnadore.

The mummy was looking quite dapper
“Got rich from my music, Old Chapper
‘Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world’s greatest wrapper!”… Read the rest...

Bulimia Nervosa

By Alan B. Combs with addenda from PUNY and my mailing list.

There has been much press recently about a purported epidemic of obesity in the country, a condition that is not contagious, but certainly is spreading. More rare, but even more life-threatening conditions are bulimia and anorexia. These are obsessive/compulsive conditions characterized by inappropriate body image where they imagine they are too fat. In response to this image, these people fast excessively, purge themselves, and when they do eat … Read the rest...

Spider Hole

This limerick, written on the day Saddam’s capture was announced, is by master Punster Gary Hallock.

A tip from an Iraqi fighter
Most likely a Baathist insider
Led troops when they searched
To Saddam, who perched
Right there in the lair of a spider

Arachnid’s a good thing for all
That into a hole he would fall
“The mis-leader, Saddam”
Say gen’ral, “We got’im”
From under Iraq he did crawl

These war games have taken a toll
So this news … Read the rest...

A Clear Moment for Thanks…

By Alan B. Combs upon the resignation of a certain individual as Senate Majority Leader. This was posted to the limericks_n_haiku listserv.

The kettle talks black to the pot.
The bastards give all that they’ve got.
Old Thomas Daschle?
Humongous hassle,
But, for step-down, I say, “Thanks a Lott.”… Read the rest...

Adult Limerick Exchange

Ms Scarlett Said:

My limericks are lacking oration.
My poetry lacks inspiration,
But, bearing in mind
A donkey’s behind,
Remember my old dissertation.

I replied:

Your tale of a donkey’s behind
Brings indelible image to mind.
This can’t be repaired —
It’s clearly ass^2
In our poesy mucho maligned.

Then the talented Ms Scarlett wrote:

There once was a Combs named Alan B.
Who wished to go down in infamy,
For the silliest pun.
(Ain’t we got fun?)
He hoped … Read the rest...

Woes of Dudley Doright

By Alan B. Combs in a common moment of silliness

Many of the punsters in this audience are fans of Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose. There is great sadness that these programs are no longer regularly shown, except in syndication.

The lack of regular showing of these programs fell particularly hard on Dudley Doright, R.C.M.P. He was out of a job, and he had a woman to woo and horse to feed, or visa versa.

Recently Dudley heard about … Read the rest...