Borborygmus — an educational limerick.
I sat with the Duchess at tea.
It was just as I feared it would be.
Her rumblings abdominal,
Were simply phenomenal,
And everyone thought it was me!
… Read the rest...
All posts in category Limericks
Borborygmus
… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 9, 2012
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/borborygmus/
A Halloween Love Story
Published on the P.U.N.Y and the groaners listserv, this tender tale is by the incomparable punster Gary Hallock.
… Read the rest...An ugly old minister, Hume
Too many dark peas did consume
It killed him, that’s shown
That’s why he’s now known
As preacher from the black legumeOne night under bloody full moon
The time of the month made for woo’in
Hume went on the prowl
And heard his ghoul howl
And knew he cadaver real soonHume asked her “Would you
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 25, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-halloween-love-story/
A Mathematical Limerick
This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv. Other mathematical limericks exist (see Google), but this is one of the most straightforward.
Can you figure out this mathematical limerick?
12 + 144 + 20 + (3 x √4) + (5 X 11) = 92 + 0
7
It reads as follows:
… Read the rest...
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-mathematical-limerick/
Limerick Challenge No. 27
Cynthia MacGregor is the moderator for a punsters weekly limerick challenge. She says, “Your challenge for Lim-ber Your Mind #27 was: Write a limerick whose first line is:
“If happiness you are pursuing”
The entries:
If happiness you are pursuing,
Try to willing maid be a-wooing,
But hedge wedding bet,
A prenuptial get,
To help when ex-wife comes a-suing.
—-Chris Papa
If happiness you are pursuing
But your spouse has threatened her suing
Don’t run and hide
To choose a … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on April 5, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/limerick-challenge-no-27/
The Aardvark
A cascade from the limericks_n_haiku listserv with certain of the usual
suspects participating.
The Aardvark eats no leafy plants
No mushrooms and no succulents
Under bark his tongue
Gets vitamins among
A diet full of new tree ants
Guy Ben-Moshe
================
That’s aardvark but maybe you knew it
Eating ants, Oh dear me! I’d eschew it
I’d taste other critters
Who scampers and skitters
Termite be some reason to do it
GARY HALLOCK
===================================
The Aardvark loves his insect snack… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on March 30, 2010
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-aardvark/
Don’t Surfer Fools
A limerick by punmaster Gary Hallock
A surfer dude in Frisco bay
Can’t mix his epoxy. He’ll say
“These instructions you see
Say to mix with ‘part-B’
But where can I find the ‘Part-A?'”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 23, 2009
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/dont-surfer-fools/
A Wide Berth
By Gary Hallock who tells how it came to be.
She knew that to stress out, unwise is
But pregnant mom swelled up five sizes
Which was a bit crippling
So she called her sibling:
The birth of the first midwife cry, “Sis!”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 5, 2007
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-wide-berth/
Elevator Problem (An Adult Limerick Cascade)
The following is a limerick cascade from the limericks and haiku listserv.
A problem seems always to hound us.
In the elevator, there to confound us.
So, how can this be?
It’s not me, you see!
Just why does that flatus surround us?
Alan B. Combs
You’ve clearly not run out of gas.
My nose knows the difference, alas.
I won’t make a comment.
I’ll try not to vomit.
I guess that I’ll just let it pass.
Cyn MacGregor
Young … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on July 18, 2005
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/elevator-problem/
Lord of the Wringer Limerick
From the endlessly creative Bob Dvorak.
At ShopRite the tongues were a-waggin,
Thought Bill’ Boy was in the back, shaggin’.
But all the girls loose,
Were still in Pro-Duce,
At Checkout they found Bill’ Bo’ baggin’.… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 31, 2005
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/lord-of-the-wringer-limerick/
A Halloween Wedding
By Alan B. Combs. This was written for Ms. Scarlett whose daughter got married on October 31, 2004.
T’was a merrie young lassie, Mimosa,
Blessed child of a Family Famosa,
Who let it be said,
“On THIS day I wed!
Let’s honor old Bela Lugosa.”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on December 28, 2004
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-halloween-wedding/
Lecherous Leprechaun
A St. Patrick’s Day Limerick with a ripping pun in the middle? Only by Gary Hallock.
A horny young leprechaun lad
Craved sex and he wanted some bad
Saw Erin go bra-less
He cried “Oh ga-ga, Yes!
But still came up short, which is sad… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 22, 2004
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/lecherous-leprechaun/
Halloween Limerick
This is by Clynch Varnadore.
The mummy was looking quite dapper
“Got rich from my music, Old Chapper
‘Cause the music that comes
When my bandages hum
Has made me the world’s greatest wrapper!”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 25, 2004
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-limerick/
Bulimia Nervosa
By Alan B. Combs with addenda from PUNY and my mailing list.
There has been much press recently about a purported epidemic of obesity in the country, a condition that is not contagious, but certainly is spreading. More rare, but even more life-threatening conditions are bulimia and anorexia. These are obsessive/compulsive conditions characterized by inappropriate body image where they imagine they are too fat. In response to this image, these people fast excessively, purge themselves, and when they do eat … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 25, 2004
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/bulimia-nervosa/
Spider Hole
This limerick, written on the day Saddam’s capture was announced, is by master Punster Gary Hallock.
A tip from an Iraqi fighter
Most likely a Baathist insider
Led troops when they searched
To Saddam, who perched
Right there in the lair of a spider
Arachnid’s a good thing for all
That into a hole he would fall
“The mis-leader, Saddam”
Say gen’ral, “We got’im”
From under Iraq he did crawl
These war games have taken a toll
So this news … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on December 29, 2003
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/spider-hole/
A Clear Moment for Thanks…
By Alan B. Combs upon the resignation of a certain individual as Senate Majority Leader. This was posted to the limericks_n_haiku listserv.
The kettle talks black to the pot.
The bastards give all that they’ve got.
Old Thomas Daschle?
Humongous hassle,
But, for step-down, I say, “Thanks a Lott.”… Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 23, 2003
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-clear-moment-for-thanks/
Adult Limerick Exchange
Ms Scarlett Said:
My limericks are lacking oration.
My poetry lacks inspiration,
But, bearing in mind
A donkey’s behind,
Remember my old dissertation.
I replied:
Your tale of a donkey’s behind
Brings indelible image to mind.
This can’t be repaired —
It’s clearly ass^2
In our poesy mucho maligned.
Then the talented Ms Scarlett wrote:
There once was a Combs named Alan B.
Who wished to go down in infamy,
For the silliest pun.
(Ain’t we got fun?)
He hoped … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on June 23, 2003
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/adult-limerick-exchange/
Woes of Dudley Doright
By Alan B. Combs in a common moment of silliness
Many of the punsters in this audience are fans of Rocket J. Squirrel and Bullwinkle Moose. There is great sadness that these programs are no longer regularly shown, except in syndication.
The lack of regular showing of these programs fell particularly hard on Dudley Doright, R.C.M.P. He was out of a job, and he had a woman to woo and horse to feed, or visa versa.
Recently Dudley heard about … Read the rest...
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 14, 2000
https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/woes-of-dudley-doright/