Welcome to the new home of Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots. At least 3183 horrible puns, shaggy dogs, groaners, and feghoots. And a couple of good ones.

In Defense of Shaggy Dog Stories

From Whence the Nomenclature Shaggy Dog

Note: Some of these entries can be a bit on the racy side. And some should probably not be read by the more easily offended. All such posts are tagged "Adult Theme", "Politically Incorrect", or "PG-13" as appropriate.
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Men Are Like….

Another list from the battle of the sexes.

Men are like……Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like…..Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.

Men are like…..Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest

Men are like…..Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY

Men are like…..Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like…..Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they … Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on November 8, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Lists, Puns, Rated PG

Tagged Gender

Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 8, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/men-are-like/

Truths For Mature Humans

Random Thoughts from Dick Brewer.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was … Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on November 1, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Lists, Rated G

Tagged Aging, Dick Brewer

Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 1, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/truths-for-mature-humans/

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

From the groaners listserv.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The biblical perspective:

Abraham:

And G-d appeared to me and said, Abraham, Abraham, take the chicken, thy only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road…

The Bible:

(1) And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

(2) And so the Lord he spoke to the … Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 31, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated G

Tagged Animals, Religion

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 31, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/why-did-the-chicken-cross-the-road/

The LeTourneau Wedding-Plan Tips

This helpful information for Cajun wedding planners comes from the groaners listserv.

The Top 18 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tips:

18Save honeymoon money by staying at Howard Johnson’s, where kids stay free!

17Be sure to bring a few Game Boys so the groomsmen don’t get bored during the ceremony.

16“Let’s see, there’s Mary Kay, her two kids, Vili’s adolescence … What’s blue? Wait — the prison guard’s uniform!”

15To ensure that guests of all ages have

… Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 27, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Rated G, Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy

Tagged Culture

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 27, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-letourneau-wedding-plan-tips/

Halloween Definitions

From the Gaggle of Groaners Listserve and the Yahoo pun group.

Bobbing Apples: What happens when you jog without a bra.

Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.

Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your
throat.

Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full Moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your
fridge.

Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars you got for

… Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 24, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated PG

Tagged Holidays

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 24, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-definitions/

Teenagers Are Like Cats

From the groaners listserv.

Teenagers Are Like Cats

How so? Well, consider:

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in

… Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 24, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy

Tagged Aging, Animals

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 24, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/teenagers-are-like-cats/

The Drinker’s Alphabet

Clearly not politically correct, but funny; this comes from the groaners listserv and many others.

A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High School or College

B- Beer: It’s what’s for dinner…and breakfast and lunch

C- Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after last night’s party

D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic

E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party

F- Fucked … Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 22, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Lists, Puns, Rated PG

Tagged Legal

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 22, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-drinkers-alphabet/

Politically Correct Terms to Use for Males

From the yahoogroups punsite.

* He does not have a beer gut; He develops a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

* He is not quiet; He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

* He does not have a fabulous rear end; He has achieved BUTTOCKS PERFECTION.

* He is not stupid; He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

* He does not get lost all the time; He discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

* He is not balding; He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

* You do

… Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 21, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Lists, Politically Incorrect, Puns, Rated PG

Tagged Gender

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 21, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/politically-correct-terms-to-use-for-females-2/

Politically Correct Terms to Use for Females

From a yahoogroups pun site.

* She does not get PMS; She becomes HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

* She does not have a killer body; She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

* She is not a bad cook; She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

* She is not a bad driver; She is AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

* She is not a perfect 10; She is NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

* She is not easy; She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

* She does not hate sports on TV; She is ATHLETICALLY

… Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 21, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Lists, Politically Incorrect, Puns, Rated PG

Tagged Gender

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 21, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/politically-correct-terms-to-use-for-females/

Halloween Riddles Part 3

Continuing the Halloween Riddles.

Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away (Gary Hallock)

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.

What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.

What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch.

Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
He wants to use them later for cold cuts!

How do ghosts begin letters?
“Tomb it may concern”… Read the rest...

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by Alan B. Combs on October 19, 2010 • Permalink

Posted in Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Gatling Puns, Lists, Puns, Rated G

Tagged Animals, Clynch Varnadore, Gary Hallock, Holidays, Music, P.C. Swanson, Richard Lederer, Sports, Stan Kegel

Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 19, 2010

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/halloween-riddles-part-3/

Armageddon Headlines

This is from the groaners listserv.

When the end of the world arrives, how will the media report it?

USA Today:
     WE’RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal:
     DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer:
     O.J. AND NICOLE, TOGETHER AGAIN

Playboy:
     GIRLS OF THE APOCALYPSE

Microsoft Systems Journal:
     APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Victoria’s Secret Catalog:
     OUR FINAL SALE

Sports Illustrated:
     GAME OVER

Wired:
     THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone:
     THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest:
     ‘BYE

Discover Magazine:
     HOW