All posts in category Lists

Men Are Like….

Another list from the battle of the sexes.

Men are like……Bananas.
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like…..Bank Accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest.

Men are like…..Bank Machines.
Once they withdraw they lose interest

Men are like…..Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just LOOK SILLY

Men are like…..Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Men are like…..Chocolate Bars.
Sweet, smooth, and they … Read the rest...

Truths For Mature Humans

Random Thoughts from Dick Brewer.

1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was … Read the rest...

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

From the groaners listserv.

Why did the chicken cross the road? The biblical perspective:


     And G-d appeared to me and said, Abraham, Abraham, take the chicken, thy only chicken, that thou lovest, and take it across the road…

The Bible:

     (1) And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the Chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

     (2) And so the Lord he spoke to the … Read the rest...

The LeTourneau Wedding-Plan Tips

This helpful information for Cajun wedding planners comes from the groaners listserv.

The Top 18 Mary Kay LeTourneau Wedding-Planning Tips:

18Save honeymoon money by staying at Howard Johnson’s, where kids stay free!

17Be sure to bring a few Game Boys so the groomsmen don’t get bored during the ceremony.

16“Let’s see, there’s Mary Kay, her two kids, Vili’s adolescence … What’s blue? Wait — the prison guard’s uniform!”

15To ensure that guests of all ages have

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Halloween Definitions

From the Gaggle of Groaners Listserve and the Yahoo pun group.

Bobbing Apples: What happens when you jog without a bra.

Boogieman: The guy who passes time at a stoplight picking his nose.

Coffin: What you do when you get a piece of popcorn stuck in your

Frankenstein: Hot dog and a mug of beer.

Full Moon: What your repairman reveals when he bends over to fix your

Goblin: How you eat the snickers bars you got for

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Teenagers Are Like Cats

From the groaners listserv.

Teenagers Are Like Cats

How so? Well, consider:

Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in

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The Drinker’s Alphabet

Clearly not politically correct, but funny; this comes from the groaners listserv and many others.

A- Alcohol: The key to surviving High School or College

B- Beer: It’s what’s for dinner…and breakfast and lunch

C- Class: What you’re supposed to get up and go to after last night’s party

D- Dancing: A favorite pastime of almost every drunk, usually looks pathetic

E- Emergency: The keg is empty or there is no one over 21 in your drinking party

F- Fucked … Read the rest...

Politically Correct Terms to Use for Males

From the yahoogroups punsite.

* He does not have a beer gut; He develops a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.

* He is not quiet; He is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST.

* He does not have a fabulous rear end; He has achieved BUTTOCKS PERFECTION.

* He is not stupid; He suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT.

* He does not get lost all the time; He discovers ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.

* He is not balding; He is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION.

* You do

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Politically Correct Terms to Use for Females

From a yahoogroups pun site.

* She does not get PMS; She becomes HORMONALLY HOMICIDAL

* She does not have a killer body; She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE

* She is not a bad cook; She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE

* She is not a bad driver; She is AUTOMOTIVELY CHALLENGED

* She is not a perfect 10; She is NUMERICALLY SUPERIOR

* She is not easy; She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE

* She does not hate sports on TV; She is ATHLETICALLY

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Halloween Riddles Part 3

Continuing the Halloween Riddles.

Why did the witches’ team lose the baseball game?
     Their bats flew away (Gary Hallock)

What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
     A dead ringer.

What do you call two witches living together?

What would you find on a haunted beach?
     A sand witch.

Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
     He wants to use them later for cold cuts!

How do ghosts begin letters?
     “Tomb it may concern”… Read the rest...

Armageddon Headlines

This is from the groaners listserv.

When the end of the world arrives, how will the media report it?

USA Today:

The Wall Street Journal:

National Enquirer:


Microsoft Systems Journal:

Victoria’s Secret Catalog:

Sports Illustrated:


Rolling Stone:

Readers Digest:

Discover Magazine:

Read the rest...

Halloween Riddles Part 2

These are from the groaners listserv.

Why did the skeleton go to the hospital ?

To have his ghoul stones removed !

How did the skeleton know it was going to rain ?

He could feel it in his bones !

What do you call a skeleton who won’t get up in the mornings ?

Lazy bones !

What do boney people use to get into their homes ?

Skeleton keys !

What happened to the boat that sank in … Read the rest...

Halloween Riddles Part 1

From the groaners listserv.

Why do girl ghosts go on diets?

So they can keep their ghoulish figures.

Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?

His ghoul friend (Clynch Varnadore)

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?

To improve his bite

Why didn’t the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?

It had no body to dance with.

Whom did the ghost invite to his party?

Anyone he could dig up.

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

No, they

Read the rest...