All posts in category Puns@yahoogroups.com

A Graduate Student Haggadah

Posted on Puns@yahoogroups.com, by Stan Kegel. The Haggadah is the text of the ceremony perfomed at the start of every Passover Sedar dinner. The author of this fantasy/satire is by an unknown graduate student working on his Ph.D.

A GRADUATE STUDENT HAGGADAH

Leader: Welcome to the Graduate student Seder. Every year we gather together to tell the story of our forefathers’ liberation from graduate school.

Participant: Retelling the story of our time in graduate school is a sacred duty. Even … Read the rest...

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by on March 25, 2013  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on March 25, 2013

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-graduate-student-haggadah/

What a Way to Go

This has the flavor of an older tale. Stan Kegel posted it on the Puns and the Shaggy Dog Yahoogroups.

There are two guys in a bar.

One says, “Did your hear the news – Mike is dead!”

“Whoa, what the heck happened to him?” asks the other guy.

“Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn’t brake properly and boom — He hit the curb, … Read the rest...

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by on October 7, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy, Shaggydog listserv
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 7, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/what-a-way-to-go/

A Classical Football Game

This tale comes to us as the (Thank the Heavens) season begins. Gill Krebs posted it to yahoo’s pun group.

Julius Caesar, Mark Anthony, and Brutus decided to go to a football match one Saturday. Roma was playing local rival Sparta for the All Holy Roman Empire Cup. So Caesar organized the tickets and they all agreed to meet at the stadium at 3 p.m., just in time for the kick off.

Saturday arrived and Caesar and Mark Anthony took … Read the rest...

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by on September 5, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on September 5, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/a-classical-football-game/

Mother Quotes

These are from Stan Kegel on Yahoo puns.

– PAUL REVERE’S MOTHER: “I don’t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!”

– MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY’S MOTHER: “I don’t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?”

– MONA LISA’S MOTHER: “After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that’s the biggest smile you can give us?”

– HUMPTY DUMPTY’S … Read the rest...

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by on May 13, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns, Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G
Tagged , , ,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on May 13, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/mother-quotes/

Testicular Pain

Another of those “Abuse them Texans” stories.

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the Midget to turn … Read the rest...

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by on March 21, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated PG, Shaggy Puppy
Tagged ,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on March 21, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/testicular-pain/

If You Carrot All For Me

This nutritious Valentine comes from Stan Kegel.

IF YOU CARROT ALL FOR ME

Cabbage always has a heart;

Green beans string along.

You’re such a Tomato,

Will you Peas to me belong?

You’ve been the Apple of my eye,

You know how much I care;

So Lettuce get together,

We’d make a perfect Pear.

Now, something’s sure to Turnip,

To prove you can’t be Beet;

So, if you Carrot all for me

Let’s let our Tulips meet.

Don’t Squash my

… Read the rest...
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by on February 12, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns, Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G
Tagged , ,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on February 12, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/if-you-carrot-all-for-me/

New Office Slang

This was posted at the pun page at yahoogrooups.com. If anyone has useful additions, let me know and I will post them.

404: Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.”

Adminisphere: The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant.

Alpha Geek: The most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office … Read the rest...

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by on January 18, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Current Events, Lists, Puns, Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated PG
Tagged , ,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 18, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-office-slang/

New Dictionary

A pun-cascade from several of the usual suspects at P.U.N.Y.

Amazon.com currently is advertising their new students’ dictionary
full of erroneous information: Flunk and Wagnalls.

Alan

There’s a new word compendium aimed directly at the homeless
community. It’s called the “Under-a-bridge Dictionary.”

Gary

I’ve always enjoyed thumbing through specialized dictionaries, but it bugs
me that I can’t find one on entomology.

What famous dictionary publishing house is patronized by NBA players?

Longman

Charles

A woman who wants to avoid a … Read the rest...

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by on January 2, 2012  •  Permalink
Posted in Pun Cascade, Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated PG
Tagged , , , ,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on January 2, 2012

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/new-dictionary/

T-Shirt Captions

Anna Welander posted this on puns@yahoogroups.com.

Here are some more humorous t-shirts to wear around town.
Put one on and see how many laughs you get:

* Here I am! Now What are Your Other Two Wishes?
* I Recycle. I Wore this Shirt Yesterday.
* I’m Good in Bed. I can sleep for Days!
* Also Available in Sober.
* Voted Class of 2057’s Most Likely to Travel Back in Time.
* I’m like a Museum – Look But … Read the rest...

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by on November 29, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Lists, Puns, Puns@yahoogroups.com
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Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 29, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/t-shirt-captions/

The Thanksgiving Turkey

Stan Kegel sent this seasonal contribution.

The turkey shot out of the oven
and rocketed into the air;
It knocked every plate off the table
and partly demolished a chair.

It ricocheted into a corner
and burst with a deafening boom;
Then splattered all over the kitchen
completely obscuring the room.

It stuck to the walls and the windows,
it totally coated the floor;
There was turkey attached to the ceiling
where there’d never been turkey before.

It blanketed every … Read the rest...

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by on November 21, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated G, Shaggy Puppy
Tagged , ,
Posted by Alan B. Combs on November 21, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/the-thanksgiving-turkey/

In the Land of Old Age

This was posted in puns@yahoogroups.com. I don’t know why these things keep coming to me more frequently these days. Probably, I should add that to the list.

Have you celebrated your 25th birthday for the last ten years? Twenty? There are many perks to getting older. Such as closer parking, discounts, and the fact that you’re least likely to get kidnapped. Here are some signs that maybe, just maybe, you might be getting a little older.

1. You walk into … Read the rest...

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by on October 18, 2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Lists, Puns@yahoogroups.com, Rated PG-13
Tagged
Posted by Alan B. Combs on October 18, 2011

https://shaggy-dogs.briancombs.net/in-the-land-of-old-age/