All posts in category Rated G

Deaf Mule

This is from BevJoe (McGuire), no blarney.

An Irishman named O’Leary, who loved to sing as he worked, bought a mule to farm his garden. The mule worked well, but was almost totally deaf. So, when his owner yelled, “Whoa!”, the animal often continued plowing. Asked how the mule was working out, O’Leary shook his head. “There was a time,” he said, “when all that the neighbors could hear was me singing my lilting melodies. Lately, I’m afraid, they’ve heard … Read the rest...

Corny Cobb

I received this one from Gary Hallock. It’s new, it’s new to me, anyway (as Gary says, that’s nearly the same thing).

I’m probably gonna show my ignorance here but then I never claimed to have anything like the intimate relationship with shaggies that Alan Combs has. From sources outside of PUNY I recently received a large batch of jokes, etc., including a few shaggies I’d not seen before (very rare) I wonder if someone out there is actually producing … Read the rest...

Tim Allen meets Shakespeare

by Alan B. Combs

It’s funny how these things come to me. I was watching Tim Allen’s TV show the other night. We all know how he gets off on implements and tools. I easily could imagine him building a marvelous tool shed in the back yard, a tool shed that is the primary attraction and center of attention when looking out through the large bay window in his living room.

Then, I can see him standing in the living … Read the rest...

So good, so phar, oh!

This one is an appropriate followup to the passover pun by Stan Kegel. It was posted on P.U.N.Y. by GBenmoshe.

It happened that young Prince Moses caught the young Pharoah peering through a hidden hole in the wall. He was looking into what would be his own harem, one day.

Moses told the Egyptian, “Let my PEEP HOLE GO!”… Read the rest...

Silent Treatment

This one comes from paTRICK heSTER of P.U.N.Y.

There once was this veterinarian (not to be confused with Heinrich Himmler, a veteran Aryan) who couldn’t afford a proper waste disposal system, and used a regular kitchen trash can to get rid of specimens, an unsanitary practice forbidden by law. One day a customer refused to get his animal vaccinated for rabies and the vet reported him to the local authorities. As a payback, the dog’s owner reported the veterinarian to … Read the rest...

Shaggy Zone

Chris Cole calls this another abberent synapse product of his mind. I call it enjoyable.

Rod Serling, that prolific and creative creator/writer of the classic Twilight Zone series, attributed much of his success in story creation to the habit he had of always keeping a pen and pad of paper on his nightstand next his bed. Then, whenever he awoke during the night and an idea was fresh in his mind, he could quickly jot down some notes and avoid … Read the rest...

Kibitz Kibbutz

I asked the P.U.N.Y. group, “What do you call an Israeli commune that spends most of its time sticking its nose into others folks’ business?”

Almost immediately, SRpunster replied, “Let’s hope for the sake of world peace that the commune doesn’t get attacked. Then we’d have kibutz in bits, kibitz in bits….”… Read the rest...

The Foys (New Yawk, New Yawk)

I received this from Frank Henry of Ireland. A little long, a little contrived, but well worth it. Subsequently, Stan Kegel informed us, “This (with minor variations) is by Isaac Asimov who printed it with the story on how he originally sent it to Ed Fermin, in Asimov Laughs Again. He should be given credit for it.” Thanks, Stan.

I heard this about 10 years ago and I’ve never been able to track it down since. Here’s a quick summary…… Read the rest...

New Star Trek Movie

This was originally posted by Larry Kirby (aka Laredith) in alt.callahans.

A friend of mine from La La Land has written me about the new Star Trek movie, so I thought I’d share it here, as Callahanians are well known for their love of Star Trek.

At the beginning of the movie, the Borg invade, and one of the first planets threatened is the planet of the Hortas. Picard meets with the leader of the Hortas, an off-white Horta named … Read the rest...

Punish Passover

This is from Stan Kegel.

Passover is approaching. At the sedar table, every Jewish child will be retold the story of Moses and the Pharaoh, and how God brought boils, locusts, hail and the other plagues onto the Egyptians. Yet, in spite of this overwhealming evidence of God’s power and intentions, Pharaoh refused to let God’s people go. Finally, a tenth plague, the death of the first-born male children was inflicted on every Egyptian home, passing over the homes of … Read the rest...

Olde Him

I received this from Linda Wilkinson (aka Blessing) who said, “This hurts so bad that I had to share it with you all. Hugs.” It was originally written by Burt Kettinger.

An old man lived with his hound-dog, Mace, in a run-down shack on the outskirts of town. He had no family and only a few meager possessions: a table and chair, a bed, a bag of hand tools, and his dog. He used the tools to do odd jobs … Read the rest...

Singing for Supper (A Three-aacked Play)

From: Chris Cole This is one of several original contributions to the collection that we will see from Chris.

Scene One: Cooking school. The assignment to create a delicious side salad with kidney beans, green beans, and wax beans in a seasoned oil-and-vinegar dressing. The student-cooks begin their work.

Scene Two: Three students Larry, Moe and Curly (soytenly!) get into an argument over the order in which to add each ingredient. Words lead to shoving, which in turn leads to … Read the rest...

Hare today, gone tomorrow

That prolific punster Steve Poge posted this version of an old, old shaggy dog. For some reason it wasn’t in the collection. It is now.

For Easter, little Jeannie received a young rabbit as a gift. It looked just like other rabbits except that the color of its fur was much lighter than that of the others. She was thereafter referred to as “Jeannie with the light brown hare”.… Read the rest...

Shaggy Levity

This was submitted by Duke Hayes (1998). Thank you.

The king was at his wits end. The castle had just repelled the worst assault, yet, and the barbarians were in full retreat. All around there were boulders and parts of the ramparts littering the ground. They were not very aestetically pleasing and were just plain in the way. He put his best men to work on the cleanup project but it was taking forever, he needed a better way.

The … Read the rest...

K9+BYTE = :(

Recently, I do not lack for good and original material for these Thoughts for The Day. Ballinger posted this one, another variant on an old commercial. The author is not known.

Trouser was normally a happy-go-lucky dog. He would chase tennis balls, play with other doggies, and eat his dinner without a fuss. He was a dog without a care. But on that fateful autumn afternoon, it was to be different.

Trouser’s owners were walking him along a trail at … Read the rest...

Y’all (you all)

This was written by Stan Kegel (a name you will get to know), and it was sent to me by BevJoe.

An veterinary orthodontist who practiced in Iowa was called one day by a frantic farmer in Australia. “Help sir!” he cried, “I just got braces and orthodontic equipment for 100 of my sheep, and the local sheep orthodontist just died! I need a responsible animal dentist to come care for my flock!”

The orthodontist was moved, and a good … Read the rest...

The Gang’s All Here

This was posted by Firesong in alt.callahans.

There once was a bunch of rather ineffective art thieves, headed by one Enrico W ielf. They had the thief part down pat, they could break into _anywhere_. The tr ouble was, Enrico had very poor taste in art. They would invariably wind up with the most terrible pieces of worthless trash in the collection. It got so the po lice could spot one of their crimes by the uselessness of the stolen … Read the rest...

Wizard’s Powers

From a Cartoon in the Daily Texan, as I remember it.

As I have indicated previously, some of the newspaper cartoons are good sources for shaggy dog stories. This particular one had to do with a Wizard who worked in a modern factory. Everything was satisfactory except that certain miscreants took advantage of his good nature, and would steal his parking spot. This continued until he put up the following effective sign:

“This parking space belongs to the Wizard. Violators … Read the rest...


This shaggy dog was received from Bill Frank of a nameless government entity. Thanks, Bill.

Anyway, thanks for the shaggy dog site. It helps me forget the tragedy of the loss of my own shaggy dog. He used to chase the cat next door. This was a smart, and malicious cat. The cat would step into my yard, wait until my poor old dog saw him and started to give chase. Then, the cat would spring through a hole in … Read the rest...



There was once a trolley conductor, honest as the day was long, loyal, faithful and true, who married a young woman whom he truly loved. They lived together in a tiny apartment. They had little in the way of possessions, but a lot in the way of love. One of the things that got in the way of that love was the young bride’s need for material things. The poor man was forced to get a part time … Read the rest...

Vertically Challenged & Shaggy

I received this one from Steve Poge who posts on alt.humor.puns

A man boarded the Metro Bus and was amazed to see a small dwarf seated on a pile of cushions, driving the bus. He was no more than two feet tall. He was wearing a green uniform, and a hat straight out of Robin Hood.

The dwarf stared directly ahead while driving, and kept repeating the same words over and over….. “tick-tock….tick-tock…tick-tock…” The man asked the person sitting next … Read the rest...

Star Worse

This was posted on alt.callahans by Quiet Don. It is to be found on humor sites all over the internet. The original author is unknown. (May the farce be with you.)

Quiet Don steps from the Shadows, a twinkle in his eye, and says, “I don’t know where I heard this last, (parts were in one of the Callahan books), but here goes.”

It was a hot summer’s day, and Luke was in the marina, having a few beers aboard … Read the rest...

Nearly a Feghoot

By Stan Kegel.

They were the first to attempt to colonize Mars. They had landed with grass seeds to plant and horse, sheep and cattle embryos. But, the grass wouldn’t grow and none of the calves could survive. The horses and sheep were doing well, but there was not enough fodder to meet their needs. So they sent a message to earth asking for more sheep and horses and a replacement for the cattle and grass. They particularly wanted an … Read the rest...

Slaving over the Net

by Alan B. Combs

I am still recovering from my semester from Hell, but I was not the only one in my family who was busy. My son the webmaster is now doing online advertising for a major purveyor of well-formatted silicon. Over the holidays, he has been putting in long hours slaving away at the new World Wide Web site.

In fact, one might say that for the past several weeks he has been doing nothing but netcerfing.… Read the rest...

Picking Up Ascent

This sent to us by Chris Cole who says, “(Courtesy of ‘Uncle Jaybird’s Storytime’, a popular shaggy dog feature doneby a southern California disc jokey on KFI in the late 1960s… sent in by some equally demented listener…)”

In the Alps there was a treacherous mountain which had never been successfully scaled. No one who attempted to reach the summit had ever returned. Only once had a battered and broken climber crawled back into the village at the foot of … Read the rest...