All posts in category Rated G

Worship

Found on the internet somewhere…


Lettuce PrayRead the rest...

Interview: Andrew Balinsky

Andrew Balinsky is a longtime competitor and volunteer at the O. Henry Pun Off. He finished third in Punniest of Show this year. Given the high level of competition, that’s quite an accomplishment.


Brian: Where are you from? What do you do when you’re not competing in Pun-Off competitions?

Andrew: I was born a Southerner, in Autumn, in March. My parents were World War II refugees that ended up in South Africa. We immigrated to NY City, but I mostly … Read the rest...

Heard at the PunOff

I do not remember who said it, but I liked it.


May the [Mass X Acceleration] be with you, Luke… Read the rest...

Pizza Delivery

This was posted on the groaners listserv.


FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI … Read the rest...

Interview: Kelly Dupen

Kelly Dupen and Justin Golbabai returned to the Punniest of Show competition to defend their title from last year. Their excellent skit fell one point shy of the top spot, and they took second.


Brian: My wife couldn’t make the Pun Off this year, so we watched the videos on Youtube. When watching yours, she immediately asked if I was sure you guys aren’t together. Ok, so what’s the truth?

Kelly: Despite all appearances to the contrary, Justin and I … Read the rest...

Interview: Dav Wallace

Yes, he spells his name “Dav”.

When Dav was in high school, there was a history assignment which required them to design and draw an Egyptian pyramid in which we would want to be entombed. His was fairly elaborate with hidden passages, traps, etc., plus a large spinning neon sign that read “DAV” (there was a line over the “A”). It sort of stuck with him, and he uses it as a state name of sorts.

Dav grew up in … Read the rest...

Benjamin Ziek, Punniest of Show Competitor

Benjamin Ziek, two time winner of Punslingers, also did very well in Punniest of Show this year. His game-themed skit scored 35 points, good enough for fourth in the competition.

Andrew Balinsky, 3rd Place, Punniest in Show

Andrew Balinksy took third in Punniest in Show with his timely apocalyptic themed skit. Here's the skit:

Kelly Dupen & Justin Golbabai, 2nd Place, Punniest in Show

Justin Golbabai and Kelly Dupen

In 2010, Kelly Dupen and Justin Golbabai won Punniest in Show in the O. Henry Pun Off. They returned to defend their title with another very funny skit. They came up one point shy of the winner, and took second.

Here’s the skit:

Read the rest...

Gracie Deegan, 1st Place, Punniest in Show

Gracie Deegan at the O. Henry Pun Off

First time competitor Gracie Deegan won Punniest in Show in the 2011 O. Henry Pun Off with her Middle Eastern themed skit. She was one point short of a perfect score.

Here’s her entry:

Read the rest...

Punniest of Show Results

First time Pun Off contestant Gracie Deegan won Punniest of Show Saturday at the O. Henry Pun-Off. Second place went to last year's winners, Kelly Dupen and Justin Golbabai were second, and Andrew Balinsky was third. Here are all the scores:

Punslingers Results

Benjamin Ziek repeated as Punslingers champion. Dave Wallace took second, and Jason Epstein won third.

O. Henry Punoff – Punslingers 2011(function() { var scribd = document.createElement("script"); scribd.type = "text/javascript"; scribd.async = true; scribd.src = "http://www.scribd.com/javascripts/embed_code/inject.js"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0]; s.parentNode.insertBefore(scribd, s); })();

Clay Leben recorded video of the competition, which he placed on LiveStream.

Watch live streaming video from punoff2010 at livestream.com
Read the rest...

Roast for the 2010 Punster of the Year

Steve Brooks was the Punster of the Year (P.O.T.Y.) for 2010. He is a hard person to roast, but here was my contribution, given nearly a year ago.
By Alan B. Combs


In honor of Steve Brooks.

Gentleman Punster, out on a spree,
Punning from Here to Eternity,
Lord, have mercy on such as he.
Bah, Bah, Bah.

One of the punsters at this meeting, Jim Ertner, writes books about animal puns, jokes, and riddles. To add to his collection, … Read the rest...

Grandma and the Lottery

This was posted on BWJokes2.


Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won $1,000,000 in the lottery. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her.

“I think we’d better call in the doctor to tell her the news,” suggested the eldest son.

The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him.

“Now, you don’t have to worry about … Read the rest...

Problem with a New Motorcycle

By Alan B. Combs


One of my students was showing me his new motorcycle. It had a decently large engine, and it was highly decorated in a modern style. The theme of the bike was the Polynesian deity, Kaili-Moku-Moku who was in a recumbent position.

My student fired up the cycle, and it would run for a few seconds, then die. He did this several times and I finally figured out what was going wrong. His idol was just too … Read the rest...

A New Gasoline Coupon

Sent in by Jo Ann Thomas.


I didn’t realize it, but these coupons are good for one gallon of gas at most retailers. I have seen them around, but until recently never took advantage of them, I never realized their actual worth.

You probably have one or two just lying around somewhere, now is the time to use them before they lose their value, and it’s too late!!

See coupon below…

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.… Read the rest...

Ordeal of Sir Galahad

This was posted by Stan Kegel on the groaners listserv.


When knighthood was in flower and power and young gallants wassailed around King Arthur’s round table, it was their wont to keep in practice by rescuing damsels from dragons and other beasts, human or otherwise.

When they has saved all the maidens worth saving, they went to seek other adventures such as heading east to find the Holy Grail.

Of all the incredible tales now told of those days, none … Read the rest...

British Alerts to Terror Threats in 2011

This was forwarded by Dick Brewer. It is by John Cleese – British writer, actor and tall person.


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.”
The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized … Read the rest...

Shaggy Lentils

Irregular Webcomic! is by David Morgan-Mar. Occasionally, he includes wonderful puns. This one was originally published on February 27, 2008.


It's Excel-Lent.

This work is copyrighted and is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 Unported Licence by David Morgan-Mar.… Read the rest...

The Sprouting Behavior of Heat-Treated Timepieces

From the groaners listserv, a classic shaggy dog.


THE SPROUTING BEHAVIOR OF HEAT-TREATED TIMEPIECES
A Controlled Experiment

INTRODUCTION:

Watch sprouting has been a controversial problem, complicated by popular misunderstanding of even its basic issue. This report undertakes to resolve the question definitively by careful experiment.

SUBJECTS:

60 new watches (12 each from Bulova, Casio, Rolex, Seiko, and Timex) were used, each pretested to be at least 99.9% accurate. Mechanical watches were fully wound. Electronic ones were equipped with fresh batteries.… Read the rest...

Politically Correct NFL Teams

From the groaners listserv. Assuming there is a season next year, the following is likely to happen.


The National Football League recently announced a new era. From now on, no offensive team names will be permitted. While the owners of the teams rush to change uniforms and such, the National Football League announced yesterday its name changes for the upcoming season, as well as the first week’s schedule that includes:

The Washington Native Americans will host the New York Very … Read the rest...

Lip Service

*From Stan Kegel and Richard Lederer’s recent book.


A young woman, extraordinarily attractive in personality, character, and presentation, was suffering from an illness that made her lips cracked and sore. The slightest movement of her mouth caused pain and embarrassment. Her condition, though not cured, was somewhat relieved by the application of a medication prescribed by her physician.

The instructions on the prescription were to apply the medication once a day, but the young woman found that more frequent applications … Read the rest...

East Texas Etiquette

From Shayne Gad.


GENERAL:
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It’s considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you’re certain that you are included in the will, it is still
Rude to drive the U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT:
1. When decanting wine, make … Read the rest...

The Referee’s Cell Phone

This was posted on bwjokes.


After a basketball game, the coach found a cell phone on the gym floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, “Here’s your phone.”

“What makes you think it’s mine?” the referee asked.

“Easy,” the coach replied. “It says you missed 13 calls.”… Read the rest...

The Show Must Go On

This is by Terry Morrison.


Even though class was well underway, not a sound could be heard coming from the fifth floor classroom.

Inside, seven students practised their craft with uncanny precision, lifting huge panes of glass, bumping into unseen obstacles and walking, or more correctly, being walked by invisible dogs on just as invisible leashes.

Being a mime required countless hours of energy-sapping dedication as each tiny movement was repeated over and over to create the desired effect. They … Read the rest...