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Birthday Party At the Old Folks Home

Category: Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Rated G

This was posted on the groaners listserv. The author is not known.


An old people’s home was holding a special afternoon tea to celebrate the hundredth birthday of one of the residents. To mark the occasion, they asked the matron to arrange some form of entertainment. So she got in touch with a theatrical agent.

“What would you like?” asked the agent. “A singer, a comedian, maybe a juggler?”

“No, none of those,” replied matron. “We have them every year. The old people are tired of them. This is a special tea and I’m looking for something different, like an animal act.”

“An animal act?” queried the agent. “Right, I’ll see what I can do.”

He put down the phone and turned to his assistant. “What animal acts do we have on the books?”

“There’s Antonio and his tigers,” volunteered the assistant.

“A bit dangerous for an old people’s home,” thought the agent.

“How about Pedro and his performing sea lions?”

“No,” said the agent. “It takes weeks to get rid of the smell of fish.”

“There’s always Charlie the Chimp. He goes down well.”

“A monkey act!’ enthused the agent. “I like the sound of that. But not Charlie. He’s gotten very bad-tempered in his old age. He’s likely to bite someone.”

“Well,” suggested the assistant, “I do know someone who has a pet gibbon that does parties. And it’s really tame, extremely calm and friendly.”

“Right,” concluded the agent, “let’s try a mellow gibbon ’round the old folks’ tea.”

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