Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

The Web's Original Shaggy Dog Story Archive


Best Twitches

Category: alt.callahans, Rated G

by Alan B. Combs

This is derivative, oh yes, but it is mine. There have been several “Ghandi” submissions on the pun lists the last couple of weeks. About two years ago in alt.callahans, there was a similar spate of variations on the Mary Poppins song. The following is based upon one that I did at that time and which for several reasons could not be published.


Ms. Espy, an empathetic soul, lived in an east coast tenement building. One of the persons receiving her attention was the Building Superintendent. He was a recluse, for the most part, and did not relish common human interactions. Eventually, Espy found that the reason for his behavior was that he was afflicted with a continuous, involuntary twitch on one side of his face. The reason this bothered him so much was that he felt having such an affliction demonstrated grave personal weakness. He was wrong, of course, but it explained his behavior. Repeatedly, she reminded us of this fact. The

Super felt it fragile, his tic, Espy always told us.

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