Tarzan's Tripes Forever, and Other Feghoots

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An Irish Sermon

Category: Adult Theme, Gaggle of Groaners listserv, Shaggy Puppy

This was posted on the groaners listserv.

Patrick O’Leary showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. O’Leary had never been seen in church in his adult life. After Mass, the priest caught O’Leary and said “Mr. O’Leary, I am so glad you decided to come to Mass. What made you come?”

O’Leary said, “I’ve got to be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me cap. I really, really love that cap. I knew that Donald Shaunessy had one just like mine, and I knew that Shaunessy came to church every Sunday. I also knew that Shaunessy had to take off his cap during Mass, and I figured he would leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal Shaunessy’s cap.”

The priest said, “Well, Mr. O’Leary, I notice that you didn’t steal Mr. Shaunessy’s cap. What changed your mind?”

O’Leary said “Well, after I heard your sermon on the ten commandments, I decided that I didn’t need to steal Shaunessy’s cap.”

The priest gave O’Leary a big smile and said, “Ah, after I talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal,’ you decided you would rather do without your cap than burn in Hell, right?”

O’Leary shook his head and said, “No, Father. After you talked about ‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery,’ I remembered where I left me cap.”

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